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Never Quit, Never Fail

Amy Cooper
| May 25, 2018

If you never quit…You can never fail….

What an amazing quote!


My life, I have not quit since God’s saving Grace showed me mercy after an unsuccessful suicide attempt in July of 09.  I am grateful today for so many people, places and things in my life. A grateful recovering human being that is learning to live 24 hours at a time.  I am reminded daily that God is a loving God. I am so thankful my ego is removed daily so that I may consume knowledge and guidance from those around me that have far more experience in life than I.


You know for me, my addict mind thinks that I have forgotten and processed situations that triggered those self pity moments such as feeling shame and guilt for past incidents. Only to realize now that the longer we heal in sobriety the more our brain becomes clearer. Now that realization can at times be a double edged sword.  I remember watching a mock intervention and seeing the “lost child” and where she was in the whole family dynamics. This took me back to my children and as that realization hit me, my stomach tightened and my chest became sunken and my breathing increased.  The ghost of fear of yesterday attempted to rear its ugly mean self.  Until I spoke those fears out loud and came back to know I am sober and not that person anymore. The shame and guilt I flicked off my shoulder and squashed the ghost of fear.


When we speak into existence what is on our hearts and inside our heads that makes it known.  When it’s known, then WE own it, no one else. We process it, take ownership and then are allowed to forgive and move forward.  What a refreshing realization. I was sharing with someone the other day that I truly thought when I got sober everything was going to be just grand. No bad, no drama, no tears, no fears.  Hmm… That is not reality. I am sober, and have to now FEEL all of the emotions that are attached with the above. Those feelings are a pain in the ass at times.  That is why we are told to “keep coming back.”


Yes, I am growing, and yes, I have still a long way to go. I can recognize that and when I truly take this to heart and cut myself some slack, life seems so much more bearable.  My faith meter rises up and down and back and forth at times. Putting fingers to the keyboard, I realize, as I start to blog, where my overwhelming emotion comes from. I lost my papa 4 years ago and not a day goes by that I don’t think about him or my mema. He was a man that taught me unconditional love.  Didn’t matter if I was high, didn’t matter who I was dating or married to, didn’t matter what I had done wrong or right. He loved me no matter what. He didn’t always approve but never stopped loving me and never stopped speaking to me. He was proud of me in the end. He saw me sober. He saw me trying and he saw the person he said he knew I had it in me to be. God rest his sweet, honest and precious soul as they sure don’t make papa’s like they used to!


Learning about oneself can be scary as hell.  Overcoming that fear though is priceless. The fear of trusting someone is at the top I would say at most all addicts and alcoholics minds in the first stages of sobriety. Hell, it is still near the top for me too. Just because we make the decision to get sober, doesn’t mean the world stops and changes with us, it means we need more tools than the average person.  Tools that would include faith, honesty, humility, gratitude, willingness, caring, open mindedness, and responsibility. Also to work well with yourself and others we need to be consistent, persistent and resilient.  I need to mean what I say and say what I mean.  I do not need to sacrifice myself to make others happy so they may or may not like me.  I need to follow this heart, mind and soul that longs for peace and joy and is blessed by God’s Grace that he gives freely.  We have a choice everyday.  To get up, show up and do the deal. Or we can stay in the pain, shame and denial.  Today, I choose to show up and be prepared for what lessons I am to learn, what path I am supposed to walk and what person may just cross my way so I may share my story. Our lives are not in vain. We are still here for a reason and it’s up to us to make it our mission to help those who are ready to help themselves.


Never give up so you will never fail!

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