Pain is Information
In nearly every path that leads to healing, we are exposed to discussions that ask us to consider the difference between pain and suffering. It is quite common to feel some resistance when first introduced to the possibility that while pain may be unavoidable, suffering is almost always optional. Many of us have struggled with the idea that this might be something we experience by choice. This leaves us with a question to ponder, “Why would anyone choose to suffer?”
The suggestion that suffering might just be an option clearly infers that there is something we can do to relieve the pain in our lives. Whether the damage itself lies in the physical body or somewhere in the realm of thought and emotion, there are many injuries that heal quite naturally. However, there are others, deeper wounds, which tend to fester and eventually become toxic. This is suffering and it is a dangerous place to live.
When the sickness that accompanies this lingering assault becomes too great, we will eventually start looking for a way out. Unfortunately, the search for relief can lead us into even more dangerous territory with a wide variety of substances and behaviors that only increase the misery. When we get to the point where we can no longer anesthetize the wound we find ourselves face to face with that initial injury and the reality of pain.
“Pain is not good. Pain is not bad. Pain is not anything. Pain is just information. Pain is information that you need to change something.” – David Oliver
These powerful words were spoken by an incredibly inspirational yoga teacher named David Oliver in October of 2013. It’s hard to believe that he passed from this realm in the fall of 2014, only one short year later, on November 26th. The quote was captured in a video taken during one of his classes in seemingly simple reference to the physical discomfort that can come up in the challenging postures of the aṣṭāṅga yoga practice. It was recently shared on social media by his wife, my brave and beautiful teacher, Cheryl, pictured here with Dave.
I think everyone viewed the clip of him speaking in such matter of fact terms in a state of unified awe. I know I felt an almost eerie sense of disbelief that such practical information about pain in the physical body could relate so perfectly to the emotional pain that so many have experienced since losing him. Cheryl wasn’t even in the room with him when he said this and yet it seems that Dave’s words were clearly meant for her to hear, not then but now.
I’ve probably read that quote a hundred times but it never gets old for me. I continue to marvel at its relevance, not only for the people who knew and loved Dave Oliver, but for so many people in recovery. Much of the work and the healing that I have experienced has focused on the challenges of learning to let go.
I know that I have, in fact, held on to my pain and even nurtured my grief as if it were somehow representing my loved ones. I’ve added to its intensity and grown it with my own thoughts and emotions. In all honesty I know that there have been times when I was solely responsible for creating an ever increasing high water mark for the amount of suffering that I was willing to endure. There was no one who could have carried it for me and there was no amount of pain reliever in this world that could have taken it away. I realize now that I was the only one who could put a limit on how much I was willing to bear.
Dave’s words ring so true for me as I look back. Through it all, for all of us, pain means that we need to change something. This isn’t something that anyone can do for us. It is a choice that we will have to make for ourselves. Of course we can ignore it. That’s one option. If you view pain as something bad, something that makes you feel weak or ashamed, you might decide to try and push through it. Maybe you can even numb it out for a while and suffer in denial. Until you reach the point where too much damage has been done and the pain has become too great. If you want to make a change that heals you will have to recognize the suffering.
Even though most of us would agree that pain isn’t something good, the second option, the one that I chose, is to give in to it. You might even embrace suffering so completely that it feels like something you can’t live without. Sometimes letting go seems impossible. What if, like me, you have decided that living with pain seems better than any other alternative?
This is not specific to those who are grieving; I know that there are people suffering from all kinds of afflictions and addictions that will admit to feeling something very similar. Sometimes the mere idea of letting go of the grief, this way of life, the drug, situation, emotion or behavior feels like it might be even more painful than what we’ve already experienced. And yet, I have come to believe that we absolutely cannot live in state of constant suffering without becoming spiritually sick. The pain will eventually become too great. You will have to let it go and learn to accept the change.
It might take some time… it might even take a long time… but we must recognize pain for what it is if we want to heal. This is the third option and it can be chosen at any time. Pain is not good or bad, it is only the mind, our own mental activity that makes it so. There is real freedom in this very yogic suggestion that pain isn’t anything but information. We will all experience it and it will certainly change us but we will have to recognize the pain in our lives and learn from it if we want to make the choices that lead to lasting relief.
I must admit that this is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is a lesson that I am still learning today. Learning, that I can let go without loving any less, without taking anything away from what was or forgetting anything that happened. I don’t have to hold on to the suffering to hold my memories and my loved ones close. It is only through the wisdom of such gifted spiritual teachers that I have been able to process all of this “information” and change my mind about what it means to let go. Recognize the need for change and embrace the healing. There is freedom on the other side of suffering, but you will have to choose it.
Help BREAK THE STIGMA by sharing your story directly on the Heroes in Recovery homepage and letting them know that Marta sent you. OR you can contact me through email [marta@heroesinrecovery.com] with your information and I can help you through the process.