Recognizing Love in Your Life
Before anything else I trust that a power greater than myself (God) can help me. Finding love through my recovery is a very spiritual experience. It is also the most rewarding feeling I have known or will ever know. Change is a constant in this life. We evolve with time. Learning how to help someone else find change within him or herself has been a very interesting process. I first had to understand what mindfulness was and be willing to take a step back and reevaluate a situation. The three-part series I have written will wrap up with love.
Being able to recognize the love in your life is transforming. I journeyed through indifference as a direct result of active addiction. I did not care how my behavior affected others or me. Once I shifted into a place of love, it became easier to share with other people undergoing or seeking change. As I made the first steps in recovery, I started having a lot of my feelings come up that I usually kept underneath the surface. I did not know what to make of it because I had forgotten what it felt like to have real emotions! In my second stint of treatment, when the counselor would ask us, “How do you feel today?” I can remember answering with something like, “I feel amazing, everything is great. I am a free spirit. It is all good.” In the back of my head, I was so scared because I truly had no clue how I felt! At this point in time, the feelings I experienced were very unclear to me. I did not work through any of these responses for almost ten years. I learned how to use indifference to show I had no clue the pain I was causing those around me. I knew I was hurting myself, but I was not able to see how bad the self-destruction had become. I was not aware of the chaos I was creating until I accepted change in my life.
The shift that happened was a very daunting experience. I was unaware of all the many moving parts that had to work together to keep me in the present. I remember having hope and thinking about all the love people showed me, about all of those who cared enough to tell me I had a problem and I should address it. They are the ones that came to mind when I made the decision to live a different lifestyle
As a little time passed, reality hit me about not addressing my feelings. I began to reach out and ask for help. Slowly I began to feel better, a strong and light feeling swept into my life. It has stayed around and guided me toward more change. Having this compassion and desire to care has trickled into a babbling brook of self-fulfillment. Learning how to love who you are is quite a humbling endeavor, especially after a period of indifference. Once you find happiness in loving yourself, you can truly recognize love. At this point you are ready to share love with others. Selfless love is the most fruitful love. Making the leap from having no compassion and practicing self-defeat to thriving as a compassionate loving human being is the ultimate change.