Relapse – Now What?
Addiction does not talk to us— it swears. We hear it louder and clearer the closer we come to a relapse in recovery. Still most don’t pay attention to those loud noises, treating them as little whispers, that is the danger all people with substance use disorder face day in and day out. If there is one thing more common than the ability to get sober—that is the relapse.
The first question that comes up is naturally, “why it did happen” that someone relapsed. Obviously something went wrong in the plan. Unfortunately addiction deals with humans, not machines, and humans are not perfect, so mistakes happen. A relapse in recovery does not have to be the end of the world unless you let it be.
To make it more understandable, I like to compare the disease of substance use disorders often with diabetes. Someone in recovery from diabetes can live a pretty normal life, will usually never get cured and has to take some type of treatment for the rest of his life, most likely medication. Most diabetics have to adjust their diet and activities according to their medication and severity of their disease as well. If I’m a diabetic in recovery and I feel the unbelievable urge to drown myself in candy and at the same time forget to take my medication I would land in the ER with an overdose and I would have relapsed. Does anybody on earth look down on me because I did this? I bet not! This kind of relapse is understandable and people treat you with empathy. If the same thing happened to an alcoholic or addict, that person becomes the talk of the neighborhood. It is wrong, but that’s the stigma we need to challenge.
There are people who advocate that a relapse is part of the recovery process. I’m not one of them. This is totally nonsense in my opinion and just an excuse of those who relapse. The experience of a insulin coma is not part of the learning process for a diabetic either. You don’t have to commit a felony to become the best lawyer in the courtroom. Certain things we should just view as unfortunate, without going through the actual experience ourselves. The goal should be to enjoy a recovery without complications.
In order to understand relapse you need to know that each relapse is a progress, not an event, and consists of three phases:
• Emotional relapse
• Mental Relapse
• Physical Relapse
I found a good explanation of those stages here for you:
If the little devil on the shoulder wins, and you have entered the physical relapse, there are two things to do right away, which should not be procrastinated on by any means:
1) Reach out for help and ask for support. Only with help you might be able to stop right away again (not tomorrow, not next week, not in a month… now!). If you were in a treatment facility previously, call them right away and talk to them about it. A relapse does not necessary mean that you need to go back there and start from the beginning, but they can help you to get back on your feet and get you help immediately. If you hesitate to call them, please call our Heroes in Recovery helpline at 855-342-0869 and find free assistance there.
2) Stop any thoughts of shame and guilt. It is normal that we feel this way and that these thoughts occur in your mind. But all they do is make you wish to drink or use even more. Relapse is not as bad as it sounds. There is no failure in recovery as long as you get back up and right back on track.
3) Do not be afraid to reach out for help. For many people who relapse, the way back into sobriety is not as difficult, the sooner the easier. The disease is progressive. Don’t stay in relapse, it’s not a good place to be. Drug users tend to forget that their physical dependency went down in sobriety and therefore also the threshold to an overdose. After a long time of abstinence a lot of people die on drugs by overestimating their tolerance.
Once you get immediate help and are back on track of sobriety, the following steps are necessary:
1) Talk to a therapist or addiction counselor about your relapse. A relapse does not happen from one minute to another. It happens over time and there were warning signs which were ignored. Something went wrong and there was a glitch in the relapse prevention somewhere that needs to be found. A relapse is only a major mistake, if we don’t learn anything from it.
2) Do your relapse prevention plan. Do one again and keep it updated and actual. Take note of triggers if you notice them, be mindful. If you have never used a prevention plan, start it now. Easy forms and directions on how to make a relapse prevention plan are available online. We need three or more mooring lines to fix out boat of recovery stable in the sea of life. Those lines can be meetings, support group, sponsor daily, therapist, intense family support etc. Check your lines and add a couple. Read about emotional and mental relapse online and how to identify them. Talk to your support group about this.
3) Check your support system. It is pretty common that the person with substance use disorder either did not see the warning signs of relapse or ignores them. We need always someone who keeps a good eye on us to see if there is a change. A sponsor is a great help to have an outside view on our life and take us aside if he notices that certain things change for the worse.
If you have never been to treatment but keep on relapsing, maybe you should consider to check in a residential program this time to learn all the tools and skills that help you to stay clean and sober.
If it is your loved one that struggles with recovery and has relapsed, please take the following suggestions:
No blame, no shame! No yelling or screaming! It is what it is and getting loud won’t change it. Sentences like “You loser!” or “I knew you wouldn’t last long in sobriety!” are very, very unhelpful and drive the addict further into the relapse instead of motivating him to get help.
• Show love and empathy; blame the disease, not the addict.
• Be of support towards recovery, do not enable the addiction.
• Set clear boundaries and always do as you say.
• Educate yourself on mental, emotional and physical relapse and its warning signs.
• Talk to your loved one and try to find a solution together.
• Contact a helpline and find out what the options are. Get in contact with health insurance, a treatment center or our Heroes in Recovery helpline and ask a professional what the next step should be.
• Do not let time pass. It gets worse by the day. Start the action as soon as possible.
Some people are chronically relapsing. If this is the case and you or your loved one have relapsed several times, ask a professional about specialty treatment centers for this. The Heroes in Recovery helpline or an independent interventionist will be glad to help you there finding those. If your budget allows, you can also consider hiring a recovery coach or sober companion for your loved one for a limited time after he is sober the next time to increase his chances of entering this time a sustained long-term recovery.
All in all, relapses are common, just not very desirable. It will cost money, nerves, tears, peace, health and sometimes it can claim a life. Avoid it by all means, it’s not worth it to start again. If it happens, dust yourself off and start right away again.
We are human, not perfect, and a human can take a wrong path sometimes. Just we have to learn from mistakes and next time we know exactly which path to take. Always remember that you work on your recovery and sobriety for yourself, not for other people. Don’t be afraid what other people think of your relapse, it’s not their business. Nobody can look down on you, he could be next, if he is not careful. A relapse is nothing to be proud of, but also nothing to be ashamed of, it just happens. Stand back up, analyze the reasons and don’t do it again. Try to stay sober— one day at a time, no matter what.
We do recover.
Susanne Johnson