- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Faith
My mother is an alcoholic, my father was a heroin addict and my step dad was an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic/addict and have been my whole 41 years of life. I unleashed a beast the first time I ever let my mom’s wine touch my eight-year-old lips. My life has always been unmanageable when left to my own will. I didn’t truly accept I was not in control of my own life, until I was facing five years in prison for my third DUI. I was lying on some girl’s lap on the drunk tank floor of the jail wearing one boot and one house slipper after drinking 18 or so Heinekens at a friends house before taking off in a snow storm in search of crack. I never found that crack, because what I did find was an oak tree embedded in the grill of my truck. I spent six days in jail instead of six weeks in a hospital or 60 years for killing someone. I didn’t understand or appreciate the fact the God had been doing for me what I could not do for myself my entire life, until I talked to my court-appointed attorney who I fully believe was an angel sent to save my life. He asked me if I was spiritual and gave me a book called Prison to Praise. This moment was the beginning of a new life for me. I’m not sure what happened inside of me that day sitting with this man, but I am sure something changed in me.
I was released within an hour with my one boot and one slipper, no coat and no idea what to expect next. What happened next was that I felt determination well up in me (I’m sure that was not of my doing). I got home and started looking for a 12-step meeting. I walked in 20 degree weather to get to a meeting only to find the meeting no longer existed there. My thighs feeling like they were being pricked with a zillion tiny needles due to cold, and I went home feeling totally defeated. I warmed up, went back online to find another meeting and went right back out. I arrived at the first meeting I had been to in years and felt comfort and belonging instantly! I was welcomed with open arms and felt like I was home. I told my story of the struggle I had getting there that day with tears in my eyes, and I still make sure to go back to that meeting every so often to remind myself how blessed I was and am to have made it there in the first place that cold winter day!
I signed up at an outpatient treatment facility the next week and started attending many more 12-step meetings. As I became more willing and honest with myself and others, I realized that God was my Higher Power and through him and the 12 steps I could be okay. I learned how to love and care for myself the way God intended me to all along. I had 19 months of sobriety on the 15th of August 2013, by the grace of God, and I can honestly say I am happy, joyous and free today! I have a wonderful sponsor and many awesome supports and sobriety sisters that I talk to on a daily basis. We have to give it away to keep it, and we keep each other accountable and have some great times living this new awesome way of life!