- Alcohol
- Friends & Family
submitted by: Susanne Johnson
Hi, my name is Rocky and I’m a recovered alcoholic. I was asked if I would share my story. Hopefully I will give hope to someone who is struggling with the disease of alcoholism. I drank for 31 years, so I guess I can call myself an alcoholic.
I started drinking in high school when I was 16. I thought it was cool. I was able to talk to girls and get out of myself when I drank. I did not go to college because I thought getting a job and drinking was more important. I got married at 21 and had 3 kids. I used to work two jobs and the ex-wife stayed home.
My drinking was so bad that I would go to the bar at 7:30 a.m. and have about six mixed drinks, then leave the bar and go to work at 9:00. I would take a break at 11:00 and have a couple more mixed drinks then go to lunch from 3:00 to 4:00 and have about 6 or 7 beers before going back to work. I would leave work at 4:15and then my drinking really began. I had about 12 beers and then got home about 7:30. Then the next day started the process all over again. I hated the weekend because I could not drink the way I wanted to.
At the end, I was on vacation and alone. My ex-wife was working, my two younger kids were in school and my oldest daughter was working. What is an alcoholic to do with his time when everyone left? I went to the bar and drank every day until 2:40, when my youngest daughter came home. One day, when I came home at 2:40 my daughter also arrived at home and I asked her a couple of questions. She didn’t answer me, so I started yelling and screaming and banging things. She left and went to where her mother worked.
Three hours later, everyone but the cops came to the house. My ex-wife said if I didn’t get help she was leaving me. So to get the ex-wife off my back on Wednesday, 9/29/2003 I went to my first 12-step meeting. I went to two meetings a day; one before work and a meeting after dinner at night. After being sober six months my ex-wife and I were in therapy and the therapist asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted me to leave so I said ok. I moved out April 1, 2004.
I said, “Now I can go back to drinking the way I wanted to.” because I was on my own and could do what I wanted. God had other plans for me. I kept going to meetings and I met a woman that had six months more sobriety than me.
I had 13 months sober and was chairing a 12-step meeting when, one day, I didn’t like what happened in the meeting. So instead of putting the chairs in a circle I was throwing the chairs across the room, almost destroying the room. The girl that was helping me set up said, “I can’t be here for this,” so she went upstairs outside the school. Two old-timers came down who had over 20 years each, put their hand on my shoulder, and told me that I had a good day if I didn’t drink. I said, “I’m sober 13 months; I should not be acting like this. Take me to the bar and get me drunk.” They said, “Keep coming back.” What a dumb idea to tell a real alcoholic like me. I was a dry drunk. Next, the woman that was with me before she went upstairs came back down the stairs and said, “It is about time for you to deal with your anger, resentments and fears.” What a novel idea. I was physically, mentally and spiritually bankrupt.
That woman became my sponsor and she also became my wife. She took me through the big book, reading every black dot on all 186 pages of recovery and the introduction. After going through that book, I have ceased fighting anything and anyone. I have been sober 12 years as of Oct. 29 2015.
Is everything roses? No. I go through good and bad times, but today I don’t pick up a drink over it. Today I have a God and the program to get me through. Today I don’t worry about myself. I care about my fellow human beings. I am not the center of the universe.
I experienced divorce, three surgeries (one that almost killed me), bankruptcy, kids not talking to me, and not seeing grandkids. My kids have not talked to me in 10 years. My oldest daughter has two kids, one is age 4 and the other is two. I have not seen my grandkids, my daughter keeps them away from me. It hurt in the beginning, but I am at peace with it now. I leave it in God’s hands. I moved on with my life. I have a life beyond my wildest dreams. I have a stepson who is 31 years old who loves me like I was his father. He has two kids that are my grandkids: a girl, age 13, and boy, age 8. They love me and my granddaughter has told me things she doesn’t tell her own parents. I lost everything in sobriety.
I would not change anything. I found God, I try to live in the sunshine of the spirit and I have people who love me and want me around. The twelve step program is a bridge back to life and the program and God gave me a second life. I will not give this up for anything. I work too hard and have people who believe in me now. I do a lot of walking with my wife to stay fit. I always had work, but in my spare time today I like to speak at rehabs and crisis centers to connect with others.
In closing, if I think alcohol is my problem I’m in the wrong place. Alcohol was the solution to my problem. I was the problem. I hope I have helped someone till we meet on this happy path of sobriety GOD BLESS YOU!