- Drugs
There are many ways I could start this. Is it a story of recovery, or is it a celebration of new found sobriety? Is it a testament to my daily struggle or a confirmation to myself that I am making it? I’m not really sure. I’ll let you decide.
My name is Nancy. I’m a mother of 2 kids, Colton (22) and Callie (21). I wasn’t always an addict. Once upon a time I was a normal, average mom of two children. I worked in a bar to support myself and my small children. It was hard to work all night and still find time to sleep. I couldn’t afford a babysitter to watch them all night and all day, and I sure didn’t want to be away from them that long.
After a particularly hard weekend, a “friend” of mine decided to help me. He put a “tip” in my tip jar: A gram of methamphetamine. All of a sudden, I was superwoman. I was able to take care of my kids, clean my house, and work all weekend with the help of my new little “friend.” That was the beginning of the end.
Eighteen years later, here I am: an addict of the worst kind. I have lied, stolen, alienated my kids and family, and put them through all kinds of hell. But I went through hell too, although of my own making.
Here I am now, sober for 119 days, 16 hours and 14 minutes! What made me decide to finally give it up? Was I finally caught by the cops and charged? Did I get a “bad batch,” and it scared me? No. I just decided it was time for a change, for myself and my family.
Every day when I wake up,before I get out of bed, I have a quiet moment to think to myself, “What is my reason for not using today?” Sometimes it is for my kids, sometimes it’s for my Mom, sometimes it’s for myself, and sometimes it’s just because I don’t WANT to get high today. So far, it has helped me stay sober.
My life has gotten so much better since I’ve been sober! I can’t tell you how much! My family trusts me again, my kids want to be around me again. I’m having FUN just being myself!
I attend my 12-step meetings, sometimes 4 times a week, and last week we had an exercise where everyone would tell about a moment in their addiction that was NOT a good moment for them. I told of a time I was in my room getting high and how my children and several members of my family were in the kitchen laughing and having a great time, and I was at the point where I COULDN’T put the pipe down and leave my room to be with them. I had never felt so alone in my whole life, and there was a houseful of people. I cried that day. For myself, for my kids, my family, and for the addiction that I DIDN’T want anymore. It wasn’t fun to me anymore.
Now I don’t HAVE to be alone anymore. I don’t worry about when I’ll get my next fix or how I will pay for it. And since I’ve been sober, I feel like a giant storm cloud has cleared from my life and the sun is finally shining again! My daughter told me that the sun is shining from INSIDE me, that I’m a much better person to be around. My family, friends, children and people I have NEVER EVEN MET but am friends with on Facebook have given me encouragement and support beyond belief! They root me on in my daily struggle, message me with words of encouragement when I’m having a bad day, and hug me when I look like I need it!
I have a dog, a Pekingese named Bizzie that my daughter bought and I ended up caring for, and she has also been a HUGE BLESSING to me! She is there for me, she is with me in the night when I have a bad night, she cuddles with me and gives me unconditional love. I can’t tell you how many nights I have held her and petted her and cried. But, so far by the grace of God and my own determination, I have made it!
Is recovery possible? YES! You just have to want it more than you want to get high. And you have to find YOUR reason for staying sober. It may be the same reason every day, but that’s okay, as long as it keeps you focused on your recovery and sobriety. That’s all that matters!
There is a lot more to this story that I could add, stories that would make your blood run cold. I’m sure every addict has their “war stories,” but I don’t feel like you can benefit from those stories. I feel that you will benefit more from my recovery! And I AM recovering, one day at a time.