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- Mental Health
Addiction has always been in my family. It started with my father who was addicted to medication and alcohol. He was also very abusive to my mother and sister even me. Mental abuse was far worse than physical for me. My sister would lock herself in our room while I watched and stood there hopeless as my father beat my mom until I had the courage to challenge him to fight me instead of my mother. My beloved mother battled depression most of my life. She would always go back to him no matter how long she was away from him. She found a way back to him always. This story isn’t about my parents or their addictions. It’s about my sister who became an addict.
My sister was beautiful with curly brown hair and big green eyes. She was extremely bright and acted like a sister to me. We would always fight on and off but that’s how sisters were supposed to be. Her addiction started with marijuana. I believe she started smoking at 13. I can’t tell you why she did this, I still am not sure after quite some time what happened to my sister or what she went through as the years went past. She ended up becoming a heroine user. She let guys use her like trash. She would come home at 2 in the morning, fight with my parents and ask for money. Soon she was stealing from my parents and me.
I didn’t realize she was becoming what a common addict does. They lie and break promises, break trust with their loved ones and manipulate their loved ones so they can get their hands on drugs. As I mentioned, my mother has depression and my sister used that to her advantage. She knew my mother was weak and would do anything to please my sister. My mother gave my sister money for drugs even though my sister said it was for food. I would just watch as the same situation happened over and over again. My sister would be back to do it again after she can’t afford another fix. I was angry at my sister for what she was doing but at the same time I didn’t know exactly what she was doing. I didn’t know the extent of how far she went. I felt alone, especially when all the attention was on my sister. My family and parents only cared about her all of sudden.
I was just stuck in the middle with my own turmoil inside. The only question I kept asking was “what happened to my sister?”
My sister’s addiction lasted for around five to six years. My family didn’t tell me anything most of the time to try to “protect” me. Somehow I knew something bad was happening to my sister. The turning point for me was when I decided to move to Poland, the country where I am from and where my family is from. We were all born in Poland. I decided it was better for me to move out here. I could focus on myself, have a better future and away from the chaotic one I had back with my family.
I never struggled with addiction but I bottled a lot of emotions inside. To this day I still have trouble talking about these emotions. It’s very hard for me to talk about what I feel and what I want when in the past no one ever asked me. I struggled with a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. I struggled with the feeling of thinking of how all men will hurt me because I was scared that men will use me like they used my sister.I knew I needed help. It took me a while to ask for help but I eventually did. It was the best thing for me.
Bad things happen to everyone. It’s just what we do about it that counts. I could have became an addict also but I decided I wanted better for myself. I wanted to break the cycle ad to become someone amazing because we all are. I wanted to make a difference in this world and make my dreams a reality. If you are a sibling of an addict I recommend leaving for a while until they get back on their feet because it’s not bad of you to put your needs in front of theirs. You are important and deserve to have attention also.
My sister is in rehab and she is just finishing her program. My dad is also in therapy and making progress. My mother is in Poland with me and happier than she’s ever been. After I left for Poland my family went downhill but that needed to happen so they can get through that and realize what they’re doing to each other is killing themselves. Things finally worked out for the better. Life is beautiful, some situations make it look like it’s the worse thing ever but after all the darkness you’ll see the light.
“In the end it’s gonna be okay, if it’s not okay it’s not the end.”