- Alcohol
Life, if you can call it that, was controlled by alcohol. After finishing drinking I would lay awake figuring out if I had enough to drink for the next day and if not how was I going to get it. My life was ruled by drink, lies and regret. Every day I would hope I could stay sober, but as soon as the sickness and shakes started I gave in.
I could sometime go one whole night without drinking, but I would lay awake having palpitations. It felt like my heart was failing. I would swear to never touch a drop again, but I would fail, and I just wanted to die. I could never figure out why I could not stop putting it down my neck. I saw my mum die because of this deadly disease, so I knew what it was doing to me.
Alcohol took me to the bottom. The lowest point of my life involved losing my kid’s home and my husband. I was in a hotel room on my own, and I thought this was it. I thought about jumping off the balcony of my hotel room. I thought about drinking myself into oblivion. The thought of what my kids would go through if I did either of those things stopped me. Long chats with my husband and finding 12-step meetings stopped me.
I detoxed alone for four days in the hotel. I went to my first meeting and went back home. The nightmare was far from over, but I was going in the right direction. What saved me was that I finally admitted I was an alcoholic and that I just needed to keep going back to meetings.
For eighteen months I have gone to meetings and listened. I have my family back, and I am so grateful. I got my dream job of personal trainer and am so grateful to everyone who helped me in my journey.