- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
I lived in West Palm Beach on the streets for about six months. This was 25 years ago. I lived out of my car, took my bath at the beach showers and never thought I would be sober one day.
I was poor and alcohol was my main solution to my problems. I couldn’t afford any other drugs. Even if I wanted to have them, it was always the alcohol that brought me down. Some days other drugs were available, but it was the alcohol that took my inhibitions away and I always ended up taking what was available.
My mom loved to drink as well. She often took me to a place that we called “paradise”. It belonged to a guy who had a beautiful house by the lake with boats and all. She used to drink there and I had my first drink there at about age 13.
By age 15, I was already married and then I really started to drink heavily when I was 21 after I got divorced. After my divorce, it was almost as if I went back in time to age 15 again. I had a baby from that marriage, and didn’t drink a lot because of my daughter during that time period. But once we divorced, I went back to the party.
Because I was drinking and back on the and scene, my mom adopted my daughter and cared for her. I felt free again and claimed the years I had lost due to that early marriage. My husband had been drinking as well, it was just a natural thing for me to see, all around me were always drinking.
My self-esteem was so low, that I felt I had to always have a guy. I ended up with a guy who told me to go with him to Florida, where he had a job and a place to stay. I believed him, but once we arrived, he didn’t have the job or the place to stay. We ended up living on the streets.
It was funny how things worked out for me. I met this lady who cleaned houses for a living. When she heard that we were living on the streets, she let us stay with her in her condo on the beach, and I worked for her. After just a short while, she said that I could stay, but my boyfriend needed to go. My self esteem was so low, that I thought I would rather would be with him in an unknown place than alone in a secure environment.
I kept saying that I would get sober when I turned 42. My mom got sober five years before me. She was more of a functional drunk than me. Instead of getting sober at 42, I got sober at age 29. I just wanted to be normal. I wanted nothing but to be normal, have a job, a home and a life without disaster.
I called my mom and ask her about that drug you can take to get sober. “Wasn’t there something called ‘Antabuse’ or something?” I asked her over the phone. She only replied, “Tammy, why don’t you just try and go to a meeting instead of trying to take some drugs that make you sick?”
I went to meetings, stayed sober for 30 days and got in a fight with my boyfriend. He was still drinking, while I had the 30 days sober. In fact, I even mixed the drinks for him during that time. I got mad at him and went back out. I can’t even tell all the bad things I did then. It was the night before Mother’s Day. I showed up after that night of destruction at my mom’s door in Alabama and expected her to be very mad to see me in such shape. But she just said, “It’s okay, Tammy. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and start all over again.”
I lived in a sober living house for six months and the 12 steps saved my life. After two years of sobriety, I met my husband during a 12-step meeting. We got married two years after we met. He was a therapist and we worked together at a treatment center in Kentucky for over eight years together, him as the clinical director and me in admissions and worked my way up to become the marketing director. We have been married for 20 years today and our recovery is strong.