I’m sitting here at 7:30 AM waiting for the train to go to my interview in Manhattan and then take my son to a doctors appointment. Sounds like a perfectly normal day to most people but for me, I’m still shocked that I’m able to honestly put together a sentence like that about myself. The homeless man sitting next to me at the train station and begging for money… that is the life I am much more familiar with. That lifestyle is what would be considered perfectly normal to me.

Addiction can happen to anyone

It wasn’t always that way. My upbringing was beautiful — I was raised by two parents who showed me unconditional love and opened every door of possibility for me. I was blessed with a great education, traveled the world from a young age, and had good morals and values instilled in me. I share this part to show that addiction does not discriminate. I’m the high school cheerleading captain, turned sorority president, turned hopeless homeless heroin addict.

I was blessed with a college education however, college became one big party for me, as it does for many. That’s the thing— we don’t just wake up one day like “hey let’s become addicts and ruin our lives and the lives of everyone around us.” Usually, we just experiment with things like most people in society do but because we are scientifically and chemically different, we take it to the extreme. Addiction is a progressive disease and for me it was years and years of a progression that would lead me to become a shell of a person that was unrecognizable to everyone as anything but a drug addict. When I was introduced to opiates through a legal prescription for a dental surgery from a doctor, I quickly became obsessed. It numbed all of my physical and emotional pain. The name “pain killer” is completely accurate because when you take them you feel free of all the aches that life has thrown at you that you didn’t even know you have.

As soon as I felt that freedom, I needed more.

I had no idea that I would become physically dependent and my brain would truly believe that I needed the substances to survive. You can’t explain that type of addiction to anyone who hasn’t experienced it, but I can say that you develop “survival” instincts such as theft, manipulation and more to try to survive because that’s really how it feels. It feels as if you would die if you don’t get high. It would be 4 more years of progressively getting worse before I ended up homeless on the streets, sleeping in abandoned houses or public bathrooms and panhandling for money. I wanted so badly to stop but my entire physical and mental being was so deeply stuck in years of addiction that I did not know how to stop and it didn’t matter the depths of hell I went through. I couldn’t stop despite of how badly I wanted too.

I was 8 months pregnant and begging for change one day when a stranger stopped me and asked if he could help me. It turned out that he was a pastor and he offered to put me on the 8 hour bus down to where my family was and send me home. Although I had destroyed the relationship with my parents due to years of lying and stealing and I wasn’t allowed home, something inside of me knew that if I showed up they would let me inside since I looked like I was not only the walking dead, but also, 8 months pregnant. I am not proud of that. I share this only because I believe I have a purpose today which is to help others who are struggling through something they are ashamed of too.

I woke up in labor the day after I made it off the streets and into my parents home. Before that, I had no conception of anything spiritual but that experience of having my son born just hours after arriving into the safety of my parents home compared to the streets I was living in, opened my eyes to the possibility that there was something greater watching over me.

Im blessed to be able to say I went straight from the hospital after having my son into the rooms of 12-step groups and I haven’t had a drink or a drug for a single day of his life. I finally found a program of recovery and did the work to heal all parts of myself to allow my soul to heal and grow. When the drugs are removed, you are left with the real root of the problem, which is you.

You have to do the work on yourself and figure out the deep rooted issues inside of you and your core which I have now learned is work that you have to do absolutely every day — always striving to grow and be better than the day before.

I now live my life based on spiritual principles that allow me to continue to grow into a strong woman and a good mother who is filled with gratitude and gives back to others in society. I surround myself with other people who are successful in sobriety so that I can learn from and with them. I was able to get through and stay sober through the death of my best friend, to this disease, and everything else life has thrown my way.

I share this because the opiate epidemic is a prevailing issue in our society. I share this to show that you don’t become a heroin addict overnight. I share this because the stigma that heroin addicts chose to be so isn’t true. I share this to show that we do recover. It takes work — a lot of it— and a whole lot of love from others but recovery is not only possible, it’s also beautiful. Remember this the next time you see a homeless person begging for change and go to judge them – they are people too and they are struggling. I believed I would die a heroin addict and I thought I deserved to die that way too. A year ago I was suicidal. Today I am successful. I am about to celebrate one full year of sobriety and am overwhelmed with gratitude at how great my life is today.

I was the homeless girl with warrants in 3 counties who had pushed everyone away and whose own family wouldn’t even answer the phone for her.

Today, I’m a women who shows dignity in the way that she moves. I’m a hands on Mommy, a full-time employee, a genuine friend and a successful contributing part of my family. I have friends who respect and lean on me, people look up to me and we all work together to move towards our life goals.

I’m motivated, excited for life and I have a purpose today which is to help other addicts find a way out of their suffering too.

As long as you are alive, it’s never too late to become who God intended you to be. Put the work in and you can overcome and achieve anything that you want too!

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