I am a recovering compulsive gambler who placed my last bet on April 10, 1968. I started gambling at about age seven or eight as a kid in Brooklyn, NY. It started with flipping baseball cards, pitching pennies, shooting marbles and playing pinball machines. That kind of gambling continued until about age 14. At that point, I started to bet on sporting events with a bookmaker and I got into the stock market.
As a young kid, I always felt that everyone was better than me. The only time I felt okay about myself was after I had a win, whether it was marbles or baseball cards or pennies. Then at age 14, I went to the racetrack for the first time (Roosevelt Raceway). At that time in my life, I was making $0.50 an hour after school and working about 15-20 hours a week. That night at Roosevelt Raceway, I had my first big win and walked out of the track with $54. Looking back, I think it was that night that changed my life. Even though it was only $54, it was about five weeks of salary to me at that time. That night gave me the belief that I could be a winner from gambling and eventually become a millionaire. I can still recall that high feeling walking out of the racetrack that night.
By age 17, I was already stealing to support my gambling habit. It started with stealing comic books to play cards with from the local candy store. Before long, I was stealing money from my family to pay for gambling. By then, I was taking the bus to the racetrack a few nights a week. In those days, they closed the track during the winter months, so I would take the bus or the train to Maryland to gamble on the weekends. I was betting on sporting events and horses with the bookmaker on a daily basis. In those days, each sport had its own season. I remember calling the bookmaker one day and the only thing that was available to gamble on was hockey. I had never seen a hockey game but I bet on it anyway. It wasn’t until months later when I saw my first hockey game that I realized hockey was played on ice.
Somewhere between age 17 and 20, I went to the racetrack one night and won $6000. Wow! It was another big win, equivalent of two years of salary. This reinforced my belief that I could be a winner at gambling. By my early 20s, I was betting large amounts on lots of games that I didn’t really know much about. I probably couldn’t name more than a handful of players who played in these events. In some of the college games I bet on, I couldn’t name one player or even tell you where the college was located. But I needed to be in action. By then, I was a regular at the old Madison Square Garden, going every week. I was watching and betting on college and professional basketball games on a regular basis. At this point in my life, I was working full-time in the shipping department of a garment center. Every Tuesday when we got paid, there was a regular craps game out in the hallway. Almost every week, I would lose my pay in this game. I began stealing supplies and merchandise on a daily basis to pay for my gambling. By then, I had a bank loan and a loan with a finance company. I was also borrowing from coworkers.
At age 21, I met my future wife. Our first date was to the movies and most of the rest of our dating life was spent at the racetrack. We had a joint checking account to save for our wedding. She would put money in, and I wouldn’t. I needed to use my money for gambling. I was still looking for another big win. I thought the perfect place for our honeymoon would be Las Vegas or Puerto Rico since I knew both places had casinos. My wife didn’t think that was a good idea. I guess she understood enough about my gambling already. At age 23, we got married, and I wanted to stop gambling. I thought that I could. Within a short time, I was already back to gambling. Even though I wanted to stop, I realize today that I couldn’t. I needed to gamble like any drug addict needed to stick a needle in his arm or any alcoholic needed to have a drink.
Four weeks after we got married, I went away to the Army Reserve base at Fort Dix, NJ for six months. During those six months, I gambled every day furiously. I did everything from placing bets by phone with the bookmaker to shooting craps and playing cards. When I came home in December of 1961, I owed $4000 and didn’t even have a job. I eventually got a job working in the garment center. In the showroom that I worked at, there were a few other compulsive gamblers who I quickly became friendly with. They became my buddies. We would play cards during the day and go to the racetrack at night and on weekends. My wife thought I was at business meetings some of these nights and all of us would lie for each other.
In 1963, my first daughter was born. My wife was in labor for 37 hours. During that period, I went to the racetrack twice. When the doctor finally came out and told me that we had a baby, the only question I had was, “How much did she weigh?” He told me she was 7 lbs. and 1 oz. You would think that my concern should have been, “How are my wife and baby?” But the first call I made was to the bookmaker, and I bet 71 in the daily double. The next day when I picked up the newspaper, my daily double hit. I was convinced that God was sending me a message that I was now going to be a winner.
One year later, my boss gave me an option to buy 500 shares of stock in the company for $7500. Within a year, that stock was worth $38,000. In those days, you could buy a car for $2000 and a house for about $10,000. But within three years, this money would be gone due to my gambling. By now, I was a plant supervisor for a Fortune 500 company. My gambling was already so out of control that I was stealing everything I could to stay in the action. I set up a room in the factory that we used for playing cards all day long. I was starting to do illegal acts such as manipulating stocks in the market.
Our home life was deteriorating. Gambling was more important to me than anything else that was going on at home. I was lying about almost everything and I would come home and pick a fight with my wife so I could go out to gamble. Nothing else in my life was more important than gambling. Gambling came before my family and my job. Even though I was doing illegal acts, I was still borrowing money from legal sources.
My gambling continued to get progressively worse. I was now supervising 300-400 people at work. My boss worked in New York, and I was in the factory in NJ. Most of the time, he didn’t know what I was doing. Besides stealing and borrowing money from coworkers, I now had three bank loans and three loans from finance companies. I owed a loan shark an amount of money equal to one year’s salary. I was involved with three bookmakers, both working for them and betting with them. I directed a lot of people who gambled in my company to my bookmaker and got a piece of the action. I even got involved in a numbers operation. Between this and stealing, I was supporting my gambling. There were times I would bet on 40 or 50 games on a single weekend and I’d believe I could win them all. One weekend just before I hit my bottom, I called a bookmaker and took a shot by betting a round robin which amounted to two years of annual salary. At that moment if I lost that bet, there was no way I could pay it. Things were getting so bad. I remember calling a bookmaker one day and being told that, if I didn’t bring him the money I owed him, he would not take my bet for that night. I went home and sold our car to a neighbor to get money.
By now, I wasn’t going home to pick a fight with my wife. I was doing it over the phone so I wouldn’t waste the trip home. Most of the time, I was out gambling but when I was home we were constantly fighting. We had sex very rarely. When I won, I was so high I didn’t need it. If I lost, I didn’t want it. But there were times when we had sex and my wife would say to me, “Do you hear a radio?” I would tell her she was crazy but I actually had a radio on under the pillow so I could listen to a game. We were trying to have another child but couldn’t. My wife came to me with the idea of adoption. I didn’t like that idea especially when I was told it would cost money. I needed that money for gambling. After three months of her bothering me, I finally went along with the idea of adoption. I thought she would be so busy with the two kids that she would leave me alone. I borrowed the money we needed from my boss and relatives. On the day we were bringing our son home on a plane, it was the seventh game of the 1967 World Series. My wife was busy looking at this beautiful new baby, but I had no interest in him. I had a large bet on the game. The pilot was announcing the score every 15 minutes. I was so upset that we were on this plane. I wished and prayed that the plane would get to the ground so that I could see or hear every minute of the game.
In the next few months, the bottom fell out of my world. Even though I still had my job and still looked okay, this was rock bottom. No one could really tell what was going on. I would come home from gambling and see my wife crying all the time. Our daughter was four years old, and I don’t remember seeing her walk or talk. I either wasn’t home or my head was consumed with gambling. At that point in my life, I owed 32 people a total of three years of annual salary. I had a life insurance policy and constantly thought about killing myself so I could leave my wife and kids that money. I would do anything to keep gambling. As long as I could get my hands on some more money to stay in action, I still thought that the big win was just around the corner. I was trying to find out where I could get drugs to sell and looking around for gas stations to rob. I was asking people about making counterfeit money. I was running out of options. My boss came to me one day and told me that a detective was following me and he had a report on my gambling. He knew I was betting more money than I earned and he was sure that I was stealing from the company. If he found out it was true, he would have me arrested. Three hours later, I was stealing from the company again. I needed to go to the racetrack that night. On February 2, 1968, my wife was having a miscarriage, and I was taking her to the hospital. I was wishing and praying all the way that she would die. I thought that would solve all my problems because I wouldn’t have to tell her how bad things were. That morning, I called my mother to watch my kids. I called my boss and told him I couldn’t come to work because my wife was in the hospital. But that afternoon, I went to the racetrack. After the track, I went to see how my wife was. When I got to the hospital, the doctor told me that my wife was in shock and had almost died. I was so deep into my addiction that I really didn’t care about her, the kids or myself. The only important thing was making a bet.
I thought that I was the only one who was living the way I was living and doing the things that I was doing. Then I found out that I was not alone and that I could stop gambling with the help of other people. I had hope for the first time. It’s now been almost 38 years since I last gambled. Today, I have everything I dreamed about getting from gambling and more. I have a wonderful family that is still intact and have been blessed with four grandchildren who I love very much. In the last 20 years, I have been able to devote my working life to helping others who have this problem and educating people about the disease of compulsive gambling. This has been a dream come true.