- Alcohol
Michele B.’s Story
I am 49 and feel that I am just starting to get to know myself. I had my first drink at 14 and continued from there. I was one of the people who felt I didn’t have a problem because everyone my age was drinking (high school, college). Two DUIs and I still thought it was not a big deal. As the years went by, I still thought I was fine because I was “functioning” well in my eyes by having a good job, owning a home and taking care of my daugther as a single mom.
I would drink socially and at home. I never knew if I would have two drinks or end up having 12 and not remember what happened the night before, be sick in the morning, and not meet my obligations. Once I had the first drink, any number could follow. I had every excuse to drink (Friday night, had a hard day, had a good day…). There were incidences that occurred that seemed horrible (and were horrible), but the extremeness of it would fade as the days went on and another Friday night came.
As my job became more intense, so did my anxiety. At first it was physical and then it began to hurt me mentally. I would have sleepness nights and panic attacks. I was terrified of losing my job and exaggerated the horrible future I would then have: no home, my daughter needing things I couldn’t give her, etc. This led to perscription meds for anxiety, depression and insomnia. Just as I drank too much, I felt “as needed” meant all the time. I was still drinking as well. It could get to the point where I didn’t know if I would wake up in the morning and didn’t really care. I just wanted it to stop. I couldn’t stop drinking and felt helpless. A family intervention and a stay at rehab set me on my road to recovery.
I have been sober for 10 and a half months and have good days and bad days. I am finding myself and learning how to deal with things in a healthy way. I am there for my daughter. It is important that there is an awareness of what an addict and alcoholic really are. You don’t have to be a daily drinker, etc. There is a stigma—people don’t tell others of their recovery efforts for fear of being misunderstood and not trusted. Heroes in Recovery is an effort that is greatly needed. I am hoping that by sharing my story, others can identify and seek help.