You Can Be Used for Mighty Purposes

Submitted by: Jamie Thompson

I remember feeling different in the first grade. I had my first psychotic break in fourth grade. I knew something was seriously wrong with me. I had a precocious puberty with many feelings I didn’t know how to deal with beginning at the age of 8. Other kids teased me a lot and I started to isolate. By the time I was in junior high, some things had really exacerbated. I was depressed quite often.

In the seventh grade, traumatic and inappropriate things happened with teachers and counselors at school. I didn’t know how to make sense of it and I couldn’t tell anybody because I thought I was going to go to hell.

I survived a serious suicide attempt when I was thirteen years old. I had been declared dead but I think I drank so much water that my bladder woke me up.

I got up and I bumped into my mom in the hallway as she was waiting for the ambulance to arrive. My mom said I was saved for a reason.

During my ninth grade year, I experienced many issues with my mental health. I couldn’t focus on my schoolwork. I was confused and emotional, and became very hopeless. Because I was so sick, it was decided that I would be a homebound student. I was devastated.

I ran away from home and ended up meeting the man who would eventually become my husband. He decided I needed a drug education. I had been smoking marijuana since I was thirteen but nothing else. I remember that summer after I met him we tried one thing one day, and another thing the next day. The one thing I stayed with was the pot, and I smoked it for thirteen years. It became a problem and started affecting my life. After I had kids, I neglected my two children at times. It made me so paranoid and terrified that I did so many weird things like hide under the coffee table from aliens. Other times, smoking was a way to self-medicate during manic episodes. More so than not, it caused a lot of problems. I didn’t think I had a problem or mental health issues but friends kept telling me that I did.

I got my husband to admit he had a drinking problem, but he wasn’t going to do anything about it. After his employer had an intervention and he completed treatment, we began to attend meetings and get involved with service work which helped to dramatically change our lives. I was still having mental health issues, but for the first time I had a peer group that I could relate to. I found that I no longer wanted to get high. A year or so later, I sought treatment for my mental health problems and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Afterward, I actively participated in therapy and stopped playing the victim. I took my power back and it felt good.

There was a turning point in the relationship with my husband. I went to him and said to him that I’m not in the relationship because I need to be; I am in it because I want to be. I could tell that a ton of bricks fell off his shoulders. He did hold back some truths– like the foreclosure on our house. He was afraid that I would become homicidal or suicidal if he told me.

I found out about the foreclosure when the new owners knocked on our door. Fortunately, I had experienced a spiritual breakthrough two weeks before. I was no longer bound by the past. I sat down with the new owners and told them I had bipolar disorder and had been very ill at times. The couple decided to let us pay rent until we were ready to move out. After that, I asked my husband to be truthful with me always, no matter how tough it might be. I needed to deal with reality in my recovery. I wanted to be a help-mate, not a burden. Because of the spiritual awakening, I could work through the crisis.

I attended a conference in Atlanta where I met Mary Ellen Copeland who wrote the Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP). WRAP has helped me because I know what I must do every day to maintain my recovery. I know what I look like when I’m well, and when I’m not. I pay attention to what might trigger me. I catch it early and use tools to get back on track and continue with my daily maintenance.

I was really blessed when Mary Ellen became my mentor. She helped me become a real advocate for mental health. I have worked with many groups and advisory boards to change legislation and implement policies in many programs like TennCare. I helped NAMI create the Certified Peer Recovery program in Tennessee. I worked with Foundations Recovery Network to start a dual-diagnosis advocacy task force.

Later, I started my own company as a recovery consultant and trainer of the WRAP program. At that time, over 15,000 people in recovery had completed the WRAP program. There was a reduction in hospitalizations and I could see how much Tennessee had changed as a result dual-diagnosis movement for which I had advocated for over ten years. My resume is now more than 20 pages long, single-spaced. I am proud of my accomplishments as a mental health advocate.

Life can be so full of meaning, purpose and joy. You may not think one person can make a difference but if you allow yourself, you can be used for mighty purposes. If I can do it with all my imperfections, other people can do it, too. I’m happy to say that I’ve been married to the same man for 43 years, one of my daughters has a Ph.D. and the other is a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist. Today, my life is filled with joy and I continue to pay it forward.

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