- Alcohol
Hi, I’m Charli and I’m an alcoholic. I was brought up by the coast in a family of five with my mum, dad and two older sisters. I had a very loving upbringing that was very family-orientated. We enjoyed days out and holidays. I absolutely loved being around my family and life was always good. I enjoyed school and had a lot of friends. I can never say there was ever a bad time in my childhood. I was very lucky. I started going to pubs around the age of 14 or 15. I would only drink alcohol sometimes. I was a typical teenager so I drank on weekends with friends and went to nightclubs.
At age 19, I met my husband. We both worked hard and had a few lagers a couple times a week. After six months to a year, my husband introduced me to drugs. The drinking and drug taking happened every weekend and it was never just a few. It was always huge amounts. I left my husband after seven years as I no longer wanted that lifestyle. This was the first time my drinking really took off. I went from drinking a couple times a week to 10-12 cans of Stella every night. It was horrendous, but I always pretended that all was fine.
At age 28, I met Stuart and fell head over heels in love. My drinking calmed down, and I stopped taking drugs instantly. We had a volatile relationship. When we drank, which was weekly, it was always to oblivion. At age 30, I had my son Jacob. This was what I had been born for. I adored my son. After a year, Stuart left, and my life as a single mummy began. My drinking carried on about twice a week. Just as before, I drank until I passed out. I often hurt myself and got cuts, bruises and black eyes, but this never stopped me. I got pregnant again in 2006, and the only craving I had was for alcohol. My drinking soon went from twice a week to every day, even though I was pregnant. At 26 weeks pregnant, I got caught drunk driving. I was three times the legal limit and almost got a custodial sentence. I was lucky that I only lost my license!
My son Archie was born two weeks early. I now had two children to look after, but my drinking carried on daily. At this point, I was drinking about two or three bottles of wine a day. After Archie was born, I went to see the doctor about my alcohol intake and he suggested counseling. I went to my counselor for about six months, and my drinking slowed down to only one glass of wine a week. My eating returned to normal. I lived like this for about six months, stupidly thinking that I had cured my alcohol problem and that I could control it. Then I started drinking more regularly. Of course within a very short amount of time, I was back drinking two or three bottles of wine a day.
Every day was the same. I would wake wondering and would be fearful of what I had done the night before. I instantly checked my phone, emails and Facebook for any clue as to who I had spoken to and what I had done. Every morning I would promise myself that I wouldn’t drink that day and that this day would be different. Half way through the morning, my thoughts would start thinking about just getting one bottle instead of three and that today I would drink sensibly. Of course, that never happened. I always bought three bottles and drank every last drop. Whenever someone came over and had a drink of my wine, I would start to panic that I would run out. I would instantly go to the shop and buy more. Over the next few years, I constantly went back to my doctor’s begging for help and for a miracle cure, but I was always turned away and told to go home, stop drinking and sort myself out.
I eventually admitted that I had a problem with alcohol in the summer of 2011. This just gave me a license to drink. Isn’t that what alcoholics do? My drinking progressed slightly. I started drinking earlier in the afternoon and I began drinking between three and four bottles of wine a day. I went back to see a counselor. She was good, but I don’t think she completely understood. She told me to change my drink or to drink less, but I was an alcoholic, so changing my drink wouldn’t work. I would still get completely drunk and I physically couldn’t drink less. My family and friends were so worried. Everyone kept talking to me, saying that I needed to stop and that things were getting out of hand. I was putting not only myself at risk but also my boys. I was becoming a recluse. Alcohol was taking my world from me.
Everything came to a head on Boxing Day of 2011. I drank too much and got sent home without my children from my sister’s house. I thought I didn’t need my family’s help and took an overdose of painkillers. I was taken to the hospital and monitored, but I just wanted my boys so I got my niece to pick me up and take me to them. I woke the next day and knew that I had hit rock bottom. I was so ashamed and scared. I spoke to my family, and my dad suggested 12-step meetings. Something inside of me felt that this was the only way forward.
Two days later, I went to my first meeting. I was like a rabbit caught in headlights. I didn’t know what to expect, what I should do or what was expected of me. All I knew was that I felt like I had come home. This was what I had been searching for all these years. I knew this was the answer to my drinking. Since walking into that room on the December 29th of 2011, I haven’t had an alcoholic drink. At first, it was hard. I had convulsions at night and I still craved a drink, but with the help and love of my fellow members in this group and through listening and following their guidelines, life got easier day by day. After about six weeks, my son Jacob came to me and said, “Mummy, when you were drinking you were a good mummy, but now that you don’t drink you are a fantastic mummy.” Wow, that was amazing.
My life over the last 17 months has been wonderful. I have my gorgeous boys, my family, my friends, a 12-step family and my higher power. Life can throw some hard balls at times, but I now have the tools to deal with things. Very rarely do I think about alcohol and I crave it even less than that. I go to pubs and parties without needing a drink, which is still astounding to me. 18 months ago, I couldn’t go half a day without alcohol. I do so much with my boys now, such as days out and holidays. I’m now starting my own business with my sister, as well as acting as a fundraiser for my local pre-school. I go to the gym five mornings a week and to group meetings two or three times a week. I’ve just finished a year’s service at my home group.
I do believe that being an alcoholic is hereditary. My father, aunties, cousins, grandparents and sister are or were alcoholics. I know that, if I ever stop going to meetings and handing control over to my higher power, my life will revert back to how it was before or even worse. If I ever decided to have an alcoholic drink, I am 100% sure it would kill me. I am forever thankful and grateful to everyone who has stood by me.