- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Faith
- Mental Health
Hello, my name is Linda, and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is December 8, 2012. I grew up in a strict Catholic family, and life involved church every Sunday. I was a good kid, got good grades and hung out with a good group, but I lived with a huge secret. My father, the man who was supposed to be protecting me and providing a good example of how I should live, had molested me for quite a few years. I realized how wrong this was, but I never said a word. I just wanted to leave.
After I graduated high school, I joined the U.S. Air Force, and the party was on! I threw spirituality out the window. Drinking and the service went hand in hand. I learned to drink like the best, and I started doing other drugs. You name it, I did it! Pot, meth, heroin…my drug of choice was more! Anything I did was done to the extreme. I was able to quit using most drugs cold turkey, maybe because I changed geographic location by orders of the Air Force. If I had continued to have access to a variety of drugs, who knows what would have happened.
When I was in my mid-20s, I decided to have children and was clean for a while. This sobriety lasted about four years and was the longest time I was clean and sober. In my early 30s, I got back on meth again after my kids got a little older. Alcohol was always part of the picture. This went on for about 7 or 8 years, and, you know, in all this time I never once considered myself an addict or alcoholic even though I wasn’t able to stop. My entire family became aware of what I was doing. My cover was blown, so I converted to the “all-legal, all-accepting drug alcohol.” Pot and alcohol were always part of my life but really started to play a huge roll. I also abused prescription painkillers. I always needed something to numb the pain that I was running from. I sat on that pity pot for years. Before long I drank when I was sad, drank when I was happy and drank when I got angry. I drank towards the past few years. I drank from the time I woke up until I passed out. I drove drunk all the time. I have never hit or killed someone, had a DUI or been to jail, but those are all “yets” for me! My higher power has always been watching over me, but I had resigned myself to the fact that I was going to die angry, bitter, resentful and soulless.
A little over a year ago, I started to worry. My legs were always swelling up, I had a rash I couldn’t get rid of and I was bloated all over. My liver and pancreas were in serious trouble. I was killing myself and didn’t know it. I went to the doctor, and he said it was crucial that I stop drinking. I entered a month-long dual diagnosis program to treat my addiction and my depression. I had been treated for depression most of my life. In that program they suggested I go to support group meetings. I went to probably a total of 10. I was still struggling with the fact that I was an alcoholic. I listened to the differences instead of the similarities. I mean I wasn’t like you! I still had my job, I was still married and I still had my home. What I didn’t see was that I didn’t have my soul!
I was sober for about 50 days, the longest I’d been sober since I had children. I thought, “I am cured!” I still had no higher power in my life and thought I could control my addiction on my own, but I was wrong! I started drinking again. It started with just a beer here and there, one drink at a time, but within a couple weeks, it was on. It took me about two or three weeks before I had reached that state of pitiful, incomprehensible demoralization. I was ready to ask for God’s help. I was ready to admit, “I am an alcoholic.” I checked into another rehab program that made it mandatory that we attend at least one support group meeting each day. That was the best thing that ever happened to me!
I have worked the steps, I go to meetings, I have had service positions, I work with a sponsor who I dearly love, and, most importantly, I have my higher power which I choose to call God. I finally have my soul back! I am happy for a change and not angry and resentful. The promises of my support program come true with each day of sobriety. I love my life! Is it perfect? No, but it is better than I could ever have imagined. It takes a little work, but it is worth it! I am grateful for each and every day I am sober and grateful for all the amazing people God has placed in my life! I am grateful for my family who stuck by me no matter what! Today I am present in my life and realize how much I am truly blessed!
Today I am sober by the grace of God and my 12-step program. Keep coming back, and don’t leave before the miracle happens!