- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Faith
My first realization of what a true alcoholic is came to me in 1987, when a suicide attempt was made and the Doctor said to me, “Do you drink?” From then on my journey began.
Treatment began in 1987, and two weeks later I readmitted to that facility until the late part of 1987. After a car crash in 1989 I attended meetings and stayed sober for 14 years. I relapsed after the death of my 22-year-old. I relapsed to drugs, and my justification was, “I’m not drinking.” All my life I never fit in anywhere, so, when I did do a pill or take a drink, it made me feel like I could do anything, be anyone and be accepted anywhere.
From 2004 until February 2012 my journey has been in and out of mental hospitals, rehabs to 12-step meetings. All were short term. In December of 2011 I attempted suicide again, and this time, when I called 911, I felt in my heart that, if they didn’t lock me up, I would die from this horrible disease. They sent me to a hospital for 14 days, and I felt like I was at home with the others there. Fourteen days was not enough, so I went to an outpatient program and begged them to get me a bed, because I did not feel safe or grounded in what little sobriety I had.
February 6, 2012 was the last drink I had. When I was released from treatment, I had it in my mind and heart to do what it took to stay sober, and I did. I went to 12-step meetings. My old group from Katrina had restarted, and I felt like I was again at home, although something was missing. One night a girl came to our meeting, and she was talking about this other meeting she goes to. I remember seeing this other program years before and thinking to myself, “Wow, I would really like to check it out,” but that was years prior to my getting sober this time. Now the seed was planted, and I went to my first meeting in September of 2012, and I haven’t stop going since then. I believe that girl was a messenger for me because after that meeting I have not seen her again.
My circumstances are not any different today, but I am different and changing everyday. The people I hang out with have what I want so bad in this life, and that is Jesus. My desire is gone, and my other old bad habits are being worked on as I write.