- Alcohol
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Submitted by: Marta Mrotek
I am from Miami, Florida, where I got sober. I’m a runner and I’m in the running community, so I originally decided to participate in the Heroes in Recovery race in Florida. I loved it and I love what the Heroes in Recovery team does, so I thought I would travel to participate in Arizona, as well.
My sobriety date is January 14, 2013, so I just celebrated four years of sobriety. Drinking almost killed me. I was one of those addicted people that lost everything. In fact, I was homeless in South Florida around this same time of year in 2012. It was crazy; I didn’t know how that happened to me. I have to ask myself sometimes how I ended up living that way.
I ended up moving into a sober living house after literally surrendering in a hospital. When I drink, I go to the hospital. I went straight from that hospital to sober living. I finally decided to try and make my life better each day, whether that was just taking a shower or walking around the block. I started going to meetings and I got a sponsor.
There was a defining moment when I knew things had to change. Almost dying didn’t do it, even though I would wake up intubated a lot. Ending up in a homeless shelter didn’t do it either. It only happened when I had no more resources, when my family was done with me, when people were done with me, when I had nobody. I remember that total feeling of being all alone, sitting in a hospital. I still don’t even know the name of the hospital, and I was terrified to be discharged.
I didn’t have anywhere to go. Everything I owned was in my car. So I sat in bed and said, “God help me or let me die.” That’s when I knew that I had to do this work. I had been exposed to the twelve step program for years, but that is when I knew I had to get serious and make a change.
Today my life is all so different. It’s definitely not perfect, but I do have peace. I have been able to get my career back. I’m a registered nurse. I work in cancer treatment for children. My nursing license had been suspended in Florida and when I achieved two years in sobriety, I got it back. Then, I was able to get my license in Arizona last year. I work as a cancer research nurse now and live in a beautiful place and have peace and serenity today because of the program of recovery.
I still have fear that I work through, but I’m not afraid of life. I know how to use the tools that I’ve been given to live my life. I’m not ashamed of who I am. I sat in front of two boards of nursing and admitted to the things that I had done and owned the things that I had done. I’ve noticed that once you take responsibility, people seem to respect that. It also gives you a real sense of inner peace.
So, I don’t feel like I’m looking over my shoulder today and I can be proud of where I am. I also tell myself all this, too, will go away if I pick up a drink, and fast. I do believe that if I pick up a drink, I’ll die. There’s no question about it in my mind. That’s what really has changed. Before, I always had a backup plan that if things didn’t work, I could always go back and drink. But I don’t believe that anymore, I think that’s the biggest difference.
I have two mantras that have really helped me, especially in the beginning. “Do the next right thing and eventually the next right things will add up to an amazing life.” Also, “Move a muscle change a thought.” That’s why I love that Heroes in Recovery is associated with walking or running. Whenever I’m in a bad place, or sad, or down (and that still happens almost four years later) I walk straight out the door and go run or walk. I literally ran through my first year in recovery. I ran an endurance race once a month for a whole year. I did half marathons, full marathons, ultras.
You can change your mind set. Hang on to your support group and other people in recovery. Keep the people who are fighting the same fight around you. I just think that’s what’s so amazing about what Heroes in Recovery does to help break the stigma. You put it out there that “We’re everywhere and it doesn’t matter what you look like, or what you do for a living, or who you are as a person. There is somebody in this with you.”
The more we speak out about it and let our voices be heard, the more other people can feel that they are not alone. I know it helps me to know that I’m not alone, whether it’s with my disease or just with a thought that I’m having. I love the feeling that happens when I share something and people nod their heads because they get it. They really do get it. Don’t be afraid to share, don’t be ashamed of who you are.