- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Friends & Family
- Mental Health
Start by describing the situation that changed your life or a loved one’s life.
I left husband after ten years of marriage and two kids. He was extremely controlling in every area of my life. He was very critical, especially of my appearance. He came and went as he pleased. He always told me that no one else would ever want me.
My life was focused around our two small children. I battled depression since I was about 16. My husband believed “depression” was all in my head. I never drank. I did not take drugs.
This all changed when I went out for a bachelorette party for one of my closest friends. We went to a local bar. I drank a lot. A guy there showed me a lot of attention. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get this other guy out of my head. It wasn’t that he was some “Casanova”. I think it was because he made me believe maybe someone else would want me.
I filed for divorce about ten months after this outing. It was a long and lengthy divorce battle. Our children were 7 and 5 at the time. I had custody of the children from Sunday night thru Thursday night every week. I started partying every weekend. I went through a lot of boyfriends, and I eventually had a second failed marriage. I didn’t put my children first. I hurt them in more ways than I care to remember. My daughter went to live with her dad full time when she was 13.
Based on your situation or story, was there a turning point that prompted the need for change or help?
I had a lot of financial problems which led me to rent my house out and move in with my mother. At this time, my son went to live with his dad full time, too. Not having my kids was killing me, but I continued to spiral out of control.
I never dealt with any of my problems. I self-medicated. To cover up my pain, I started drinking more which didn’t allow my Celexa (which was the only thing prescribed by a doctor) to work correctly. I was taking a lot of Xanax, Klonopin, Hydrocodone, Adderall and I was using cocaine. I took a lot of stuff to get up in the morning and a lot of stuff to knock me out at night. I was a train wreck.
How did you get help?
One night after drinking and self-medicating as usual, I broke down. I was a shell of a person. If I ever wanted to be in my children’s lives, I had to change. I knew that if I didn’t want my mom to find me dead one day, I was going to have to get some help. I went in her room that night, and I told her everything. I said I wanted help– I did.
She made an appointment with a psychiatrist the very next morning. She called my boss. I found out later that they were already planning an intervention with me. I was admitted that night into a detox program for five days. Detoxing was pure hell. Then, I went six days a week to intense outpatient therapy.
Based on your experience, what lessons did you learn? Do you have any advice to give?
I learned that forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. You just have to keep showing your loved ones that you have changed and you have to prove it. I learned that there are better ways to deal with life’s hardships than to medicate them or drink them away.
Those problems are still going to be there when you wake up the next day, and they might even be worse than they were the day before. As far as advice- I’d have to say, “Don’t give up!”
It took a long time to get where you were, so it might take a long time to be where you want to be. Show your loved ones that they can trust you. Have your family go to group counseling sessions that are specifically for them. They can learn that you do not purposefully hurt them. Addiction is real. Depression is real.
If you or your loved one is in recovery, describe what life is like today.
It has been three years and two months since I made the decision to get help. There are still some really hard days. Some days I just want to drink and medicate life away. I have to surround myself with my supporters, attend meetings, and talk through these desires. I am mending my relationship with my children. I am also open about my depression. I am no longer hiding that I suffer from it. I am no longer embarrassed about it.