- Alcohol
Hello, my name is Ashley, and I am an alcoholic. I was born and raised in Memphis, TN. My childhood was one that most people would consider “normal;” however, for me it was filled with chaos and confusion. My mother worked hard to provide what my sister and I needed. My father was drunk most of the time, and my memories of him are filled with him passed out on the couch after drinking all night, or acting like a mad man at parties thrown at my house. In my eyes as a young child, I figured that this is how most families acted. Little did I know that what I was experiencing was an alcoholic father and a mother who enabled him.
I had a very strong connection with my father. I wanted to be just like him. And so I was. I would take sips from his cup because I wanted to act like he did, and I knew that whatever he was drinking was making him behave like he did. My first encounter with alcohol came at a very young age. It started out as a game to see if my parents would catch me doing something “bad,” and so this adrenaline rush motivated me to continue this behavior. Soon enough, I found my self wanting to take “sips” from my father’s cup every night. I loved the sensation alcohol gave me.
I was finally a pretty, outgoing, and “cool” girl. Going into middle school, it was hard for me to obtain alcohol on a regular basis without being caught by my parents. So I started hanging out with an older crowd—people who were drinking like I wanted to drink and people who didn’t judge me based on my age. I had arrived! This is what I had been searching for my whole life: to fit in and be normal for a change.
As my drinking increased, so did my interest in other substances. I would do anything and everything that you laid on the table for me to do. As I got older and more into my addiction, the drugs and alcohol slowly started to lose their touch. I found myself drinking more to get that same ease and comfort effect that I had gotten when I first started drinking. After some time of lying, cheating, and stealing, my mother caught on to my out-of-the-ordinary behaviors. She was on a mission to get me help. She checked me into a short-term rehab center, and for this I became very resentful at her because I was not willing to accept the help that was given to me. A few months after this rehab stay, I relapsed, and my life spiraled out of control.
On May 12, 2008, at the age of 16, I was admitted into a long-term treatment facility in Memphis. I lived there for seven and a half months. This place saved my life and opened my eyes to a whole new world involving recovery from alcohol and drug addiction. Since that day, my life has grown to be so full of healthy and positive changes. I have been sober for four years now, and I would not trade the life I live today for anything. I am blessed to have been inrtoduced to the spiritual tools and concepts that guide me on the road to recovery. My duty now as a recovering alcoholic and addict is to be of service to the newcomer or to the sick and suffering alcoholic and to give back what I have been so freely given.