- Alcohol
- Friends & Family
Alcohol was the substance that tried to turn Maury’s life into a misery. Ultimately, alcohol even tried to take Maury’s life. He also tried several other drugs during his active addiction, but it was always the alcohol he came back to, and the alcohol was the only thing that he could not stop by himself. As for the drugs, it was hard, but possible for him to stop from one day to the other once he decided he was done. He just could not do it with alcohol. Maury is today 54 years of age and finally has 15 years clean and sober, having a life beyond his dreams.
He had his first drink at the age of twelve and it took him until he was 38 to admit to himself that he has a problem when his liver failed. Five years prior to this, a doctor told him, “You have a little bit of blood in your alcohol,” and added that he had to stop or he would die very soon. It took him another long five years to enact that step. Waiting to stop drinking almost cost his life. His detox was difficult– he detoxed while strapped down for 17 days in a hospital bed and he had to continue in a closed and locked up room before he could leave the hospital again. He was in a very bad physical shape and it is a miracle that he survived all this.
When Maury was still in his active alcoholism, he worked in several restaurants. He showed up at his work place every morning at 8:00 am. He thought it was because he was a great example of an employee who always arrived first. He was patting himself on the back for this. But fact was that he actually showed up this early so he could place coffee mugs half-filled with liquor in strategic important places throughout the restaurant so he had constant access to a drink without anybody noticing it. So, instead of being the perfect employee, he was just there early stealing the booze.
Maury’s first marriage ended in divorce and his second marriage began in sobriety. His second wife had two children of her own before their marriage, and they had one together. His second wife started drinking again and he was hanging on to the relationship for another six months, although she was always drunk. As he saw that she was not trying to get better again, he had to let her go. “There is nobody in this world that can take your sobriety unless you let him,” a good friend told him at this time, and Maury decided that it is more important to protect his recovery than a dysfunctional marriage. He still maintains a great relationship with his seven-year-old daughter and the two step children, and they all come visit him regularly.
“At my first meeting, I was green from the liver failure, skin on top of bones, and totally unhealthy, as my cousin dropped me off,” Maury says. “I was scared to death. My cousin left; he had to go to work. When I asked how I would get home, he told me that I had to ask somebody for a ride home.” During that first meeting, Maury heard all he needed to hear to relate.
At the end of the meeting, he asked for a ride and a gentleman brought him home and picked him up from this day on for the next six months, five days a week. Maury was wondering what that man wanted from him, why he was doing so much, or if he wanted money for this. It took him a while to understand that this man was helping himself by helping Maury, one of the concepts behind 12-step meetings. He had lots of doubts in the beginning about the fellowship and the program. He had thoughts like, “My doctor tells me I’m dying, how are these people gonna safe my life?” But they did!
“I’m known in Baton Rouge to make it to more meetings than anybody else.” After fifteen years of continuous sobriety, Maury usually goes to two meetings a day, sometimes even up to five a day. He was worried at one time that he attended too many meetings and asked a therapist about it. She told him that since his job was always in a restaurant and he was always socializing with others, it is his life and he just soberly socializes. She told him that there is nothing wrong with socializing with like-minded people on a regular basis. He just happens to use meetings as a way to connect with others.
Once sober, Maury left the bar and restaurant business and switched to sales. He was sure that he could not work around people in a setting with alcohol without acute danger for his own sobriety. His sponsor agreed that it would be a problem for him to stay at the bar and restaurant and stay sober. “You can do it,” said Maury’s sponsor, “…for about six months.” Maury agreed with him and started looking for a new job right away.
In his spare time he loves to go sailing, and he enjoys sailing racing. His hobby and passion brought him around the world. He races locally from New Orleans, but he did trips to the South Pacific and has been 14 times to the Caribbean, to France and other places. “I was sailing while I was drinking and I still sail now that I’m sober. The sober sailing is so much more fun,” Maury says, smiling.