- Drugs
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
My clean date is May 15, 2014. I have 2 years clean and sober.
My addiction caused me to miss my grandmother’s death. I wasn’t even allowed to attend her funeral. I went off the deep end for another year before finally going to treatment on May 14, 2014. I didn’t want to miss out on the last months my grandpa had left. He died February 9, 2015 with 28 years of sobriety. I have stayed sober for many reasons, but the honor of my grandparents is one of my top reasons. I would give anything to have those years with them back. The only thing I can do now is stay sober and help others to achieve sobriety.
I wrote my story of saying goodbye to heroin in this poem:
I used to always feel so great,
I didn’t have time for any hate.
Everything I saw,
I wanted to draw.
I played volleyball and softball,
And rocked them all.
I used to have such a powerful voice
But slowly you took away my choice.
I used to be able to be high and still perform,
But that was just the calm before the big storm.
Once I got that very first taste,
My life became more of a waste.
If I only knew the trouble I would soon be in,
When this all started to begin.
At first you filled me up with so much pride,
But oh boy was I in for one hell of a ride.
I thought my life was pretty fun,
But it turned into an exploding bomb.
I thought you were keeping me all warm and fuzzy inside,
When really you were causing me to slowly die.
I chased you every single night and day,
And you put me in dangerous places to stay.
You made me become homeless,
Which made me feel more hopeless.
I hitched so many rides with strangers,
I’m lucky they didn’t turn out to be stranglers.
Somebody held a gun to my head,
And this time I thought I was surely dead.
I never knew I was so lost,
And I almost had to pay the ultimate cost.
I thought I was in some magical portal,
But really I was losing all of my morals.
I caused everybody so much pain,
Which made me believe I was some dirty stain.
I’ve always carried the weight of the world on my shoulders,
Which is equivalent to trying to move giant boulders.
Once I started waking up sick.
I did anything I could to avoid the kick.
I always needed more and more.
And wrongfully trusted a man that turned me out to work for him as a whore.
Whenever I said no to all these meetings,
I got more unbearable beatings.
Even though I was continuously raped,
I still kept repeating the same old tape.
When I thought that all was left was the end,
There you were like a long lost friend.
I grew so many resentments towards God,
Because He let me turn into such a lost cause.
I constantly had to run in fear,
And always cried hurtful tears.
I’ve had to live through so much trauma,
I just wanted to put myself into that coma.
I’ve tried to give you up countless times,
But instead I started committing numerous crimes.
Even though I heard the ones I loved again and again,
I still believed you were my only true friend.
You made me miss my grandmothers death,
Which made me want to take my own last breath.
You made me feel gratefully numb,
But staying with you was truly dumb.
I was so tired of doing everything wrong,
I just wanted to grow up and be strong.
You caused me so many rock bottoms,
So I finally picked up the phone and called them.
I arrived at KLEAN a few days later,
And all I can say is thank you to my creator.
Now I can actually feel all of these feelings,
Which means I must finally be healing.
Now I’ve got my mind made up,
And I’m not about to give that up.
I no longer feel like such a coward,
Because I am finally taking away all of your power.
Now that I finally give a damn,
I’ve started working and honest program.
I’m finally becoming a good person again,
And making some real true friends.
Now I have my family back,
And again I am part of their pack.
I’ve already used up eight of my lives,
And if I go back out there I’ll definitely lose that final ninth.
The more and more I continue to grow,
The more you just become somebody that I used to know.
I’m finally doing everything right,
And happily I can say I won this fight.
So this is me saying goodbye to heroin,
I never have to see you or go through any of this ever again.