- Alcohol
How long have you been on your recovery journey?
I have been involved with the 12 Steps off and on since 2009 and my sobriety date is May 17, 2014.
What is the biggest positive change in your life since then?
The biggest change in my life is that I have one! I have been able to go back to school and finish my degree I will graduate this May 23rd. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man, who is also in recovery, and we have two children. I guess what it boils down to is that I now have everything I wanted and everything that for a long time I put before my recovery. Now, no matter how important something may seem I keep my recovery first so that I don’t lose the amazing gifts recovery has given me. I still remember the best Christmas present ever. It seems so trivial and small but one year my parents gave me a key to their house. They used to have an entirely separate security system for the part of the house I was allowed to stay in. Now I have their security code and am listed as an emergency contact!
What led to your need for recovery (from substance abuse or some other issue)?
The bottom line is that I was simply sick of doing what I was doing. I had had the privilege of attending two rehabilitation facilities and tow half way houses. After my last halfway house I had a very brief and uneventful relapse in which I took a drink knowing that there was no hope that this time it would be different. I knew exactly where I would end up and what I would be doing if I continued to choose to drink and drug. I have never felt so miserable and hopeless in my life. I like to explain that I have three different bottoms: emotional, physical, and spiritual. Unfortunately I had to experience them all to get to a place where I could choose, with no family or legal pressure, the path of recovery.
What was the turning point for you?
The turning point for me was having no outside pressure. There were times in my life that I had been and wanted to be sober on my own volition but starting the process had never been my idea. After my last relapse I wasn’t in any legal trouble, my family wasn’t pressuring me, and treatment wasn’t on the table. I finally made a decision to get sober and stay that way on my own.
What is one important truth you’ve learned through the process?
I have learned that no matter what I do or how I feel there is someone else who has experienced the same situation or some similar hardship. I know today that I have true friends who will tell me the truth even if it hurts my feelings. Today I know that anything I put before my recovery will be exactly what I miss out on. When I finally surrendered all of my desires came to me.
What are you most proud of about your life today?
Today I am most proud of my mostly positive attitude and the personal growth that I have achieved. When I look around at my “normal” peers I see mostly individuals who have no desire to look at themselves critically and who have limited life experience. I feel as though I’ve lived two different lives and my mistakes have given me insight that many others my age don’t possess. I don’t think I’m any better or worse than anyone else but I am extremely grateful for the circumstances that have grown me into the woman I am today.
What is one of your biggest struggles in ongoing recovery? How do you overcome that?
My biggest struggles in recovery are to stay away from old patterns of thinking and to stay connected to my Higher Power. I am far from perfect and the way that I work on these two struggles is very simple: I keep trying. I attend a spiritual retreat every two years. At these retreats I meet with other women in different places in their lives and recovery. I am afforded the opportunity to be exposed to many different ways of communicating with my higher power and growing in spirituality. I also seek outside help with my thinking patterns. I regularly see a therapist, especially in troubling times. On top of therapy I surround myself with others in recovery that know me and can call me out when my thinking is skewed.
Are there goals you’ve met or dreams you’ve pursued that you’re particularly proud of?
I am very proud of going back to school. It was something that I had never really envisioned for myself in the first place but I have a true sense of pride for finishing something that I started years ago. I am also working on finding a job that will help me meet my ultimate career goal, to own my own events venue.
Is there a truth or piece of advice someone shared with you that has helped you on this road?
“The only fair thing about life is that it is unfair to everyone”
What would you tell someone at the beginning of this journey that is afraid they can’t do it?
If I can do it you can do it. I have experienced emotional, spiritual and physical death and I know that there is something working in everyone’s life to help us become the people we are meant to be. I would tell them that fear is both normal and necessary.
Healthy fears push us to do the right thing, try harder, and never give up. Relapse is not a requirement but it is a part of many people’s recovery process. Just because our sobriety date changes doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten what we’ve learned. I would tell them that finding their recovery path will be the most challenging and rewarding thing they’ll ever do.