- Alcohol
- Drugs
As a victim of child abuse as well as sexual abuse, I never enjoyed a childhood. I was often surrounded by my parents and their friends. I used to sit in bars with them and shoot pool as a child. I “grew up” at a very young age. I was never allowed to voice my opinion, or I was hit or told to shut up. At the age of 12, I drank my first beer. I continued to occasionally drink, and then during my 7th grade year of school I began drinking at least four times a week. Drinking didn’t satisfy me any longer, so I started smoking pot.
At age 16 I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis and sciatica. Physical therapy and cortisone shots became a part of my life. I did that all through high school until I graduated. Even with treatment, I was still in pain every day. I began working two jobs at the age of 18 and I moved out of my parents’ house. I worked over 70 hours a week. I couldn’t stay awake so I took some advice from someone who said if I just snorted this powder that I’d be up all night. Stupid me, I did it. I experimented occasionally, not daily at first.
I got pregnant with my first child, and the drugs and drinking stopped until after my son turned a year old. I was still in pain, so I visited a doctor. They prescribed pain medicine which after a few months, I began to abuse. It was “fixing” my physical and mental pain, or so I thought. Little did I know that it was just causing me even more problems that I didn’t need. I not only abused my prescription, I also bought them off the street.
I’d go through bouts of withdrawal if I couldn’t find any for sale, or if I ran out of money. I hated constantly being sick, and I hated the never ending battle to feed my addiction. It began affecting my relationships with my boyfriend (now husband), my family and friends, and even my coworkers and customers I served on a daily basis. It affected my attitude, and I was so sick of it. Even still, I continued to use.
I met someone who turned me onto heroin, and I kicked my boyfriend out of the house so I could party and use. My family knew I was using, and I was too involved in drugs to figure out why my parents kept my son at their house all the time. I did heroin for about two weeks until one night I got some meth from a friend. It didn’t take long and I was manufacturing the drug with him. It became my “life”.
I got fired from my job, bills were behind, but I didn’t care at the time, because I thought I had found the answer to all my problems. I was finally “happy.” The happiness didn’t last long, I began losing weight, had no money besides money I’d get to buy supplies to make meth, and began relying on making meth to survive and get my next high.
One night, I was driving with my friends to the nearest department store to buy more supplies. We were pulled over for a traffic violation, and I was charged with having drug paraphernalia. That night I sat in the front seat of a state trooper’s cruiser car, telling him I needed a second chance. I told him that I wanted to get my life together and be there for my son. I didn’t want to do this anymore. Well, he gave me a second chance and I owe him a lot!
I also owe my husband the world because he sent me to a behavioral health center. It took just one week of being there to realize I needed to get my life together. The support I got from my true friends and family is the reason I am 372 days clean. I got served with fines, had to complete a 6 month ARD program, and 30 hours of community service. I have been through a lot in my young life, but quitting drugs and learning how to live sober was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
I recently hit my 1 year milestone and I walked away from my drug addiction in November 2013. I walked away, but the addiction was telling me to stay. I have my husband to thank for getting me the help I needed, and for supporting me through my recovery.
I’ve been through a lot of abuse in my young life but quitting drugs and learning to live sober has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to overcome. I’ve watched people leave my life when they said they’d “be there for me”, I had to rebuild friendships with the people around me, teach myself a new way of life, forget old habits, form new and better ones, battle physical and emotional pain, and make difficult life decisions to protect my family.
I created an addiction and recovery group on Facebook. I formed an army. The only treatment I got was through the behavioral health center. I never went to meetings or anything. I did this all solely on the willpower inside of me. Utilizing the group I created on Facebook was also a big help too. Together we can make it through anything and I just wanted to say thank you to each and every one of my supporters. Anything is possible when you stick together.