- Alcohol
- Friends & Family
How long have you been on your recovery journey?
As of 10/10/15, four years!
Can you give me a summary of your history of addiction?
I come from a family of alcoholics. But I swore I would never get like “that” . I knew I liked to have more fun then most but hey I was young everyone else was partying too.
I got married, to the man of my dreams! , We worked hard, and we played hard. I had my children, I didn’t drink heavily then but come the weekends I felt I was entitled to it. I did have some times that were over the top so I tried the no more shots, then no more hard liquor this worked for a while. But not for long. I went back into the business world, while continuing to raise a family , cook, & clean I guess this was just too much pressure for me. If someone got in my way at 5:00 I would want to kill them and tell them to come back the next day because I had to get home to my wine. And I would drink ‘til I’d fall “asleep “and get up and go to work the next day. And I kept doing that until one day I had a physical, and my doctor didn’t know what was going on. She was like, “Lisa, there’s something strange here. Your liver enzymes are way out of whack.”
I’m lying in bed going, “Oh, really? What could that be?” Knowing dam well what what was going on with my poor body. She said, “I think we’re going to test it in another 30 days.” I said, “Okay, that’s good.”
Now a normal person would think, “Alright, I’m not going to drink for 30 days.” But this alcoholic mind of mine said I’ve got 30 days to go wild, because after that it’s over. It’s all coming out, it’s all tumbling down. So, that’s what I did. unfortunately my last hooray was at my daughter’s bridal shower. We went up the night before, friends were there and my party began. Next morning, I’m hung over. I just needed a little something to take the edge off so I started again. When I get there, there is wine being served so I downed the wine. Needless to say I made a total a** out of myself and was a total embarrassment to my four daughters. This is a moment that I am so ashamed of and have such a difficult time with dealing with to this day. Nothing can ever take this pain away.
So the next morning, I know it’s over. Everyone is pissed at me and I have to drive all the way from Connecticut back to Virginia. So I get up, and what do I do? I drink, I hate myself, I want to die.
My husband came up to me and said, “What the hell are you doing?” I said, “Don’t worry about it, I’m gone. I’m out of this. I’m done. I don’t want to be a wife. I don’t want to be a mother. I don’t want to be.” So they dropped me off at a hospital to detox, because my eyes were yellow. After four days there, they would release me.
During those four days in the detox I began to think, “What do I really want out of this life?” And that’s when I decided it was time for me to do this for me. So I decided there was no way I could go home. I needed to go to rehab. I was scared to death but I knew if there was to be any chance of me surviving I had to go. This was my turning point.
I took it from there. It wasn’t easy. I read every single book you could possibly imagine. I contacted every author; John Bingham, Bart Yasso…everybody. Looking for help on how to live this new life.
I went to 12 step meetings and they weren’t for me. I’m an outside-of-the-box kind of person. I didn’t like to be told what to do. “You’ve got to call me every single day.” No, I don’t have to call you every single day.
So I went a different route. I used a life coach out on the west coast who had written a book, Sober Identity. I contacted her and we worked together for six months.
Well, she broke me. It wasn’t like, “Why am I an alcoholic? Or What happened in my past?” It was about getting to know myself, learning to love myself, realizing that God does love me after all of this and He never stopped loving me. It was finding out “Who is Lisa?
That’s when I started my running and I started training with a group of people who donated their time to train me. And I said, “You know what? I have to tell you something. You don’t realize. You’re training me to run, but you don’t know what you’re really doing for me.” So that’s when my coach said to me, “You need to meet Bart Yasso. He’s lucky he’s alive.” So I contacted him.
Once I opened up and told people about my situation, I had so many people coming up to me, thanking me. “My brother’s an alcoholic, he died last year.” “I’m an addict…” It was just amazing to me.
What’s the biggest positive change in your life since you went into recovery?
My positive is I am definitely more self-confident. Everyone says, “You seemed so very confident.” But I wasn’t. I could put on that mask. I knew how to do that. But now I am confident. I am a good person, I am giving, and I am loving. I’m here for a reason. I loving giving back & helping those still struggling with addiction because I know their pain.
What was one of your biggest struggles in your recovery?
I found the biggest struggle was: How do I change my entire life? How do I reprogram this addictive brain? How do I regain the love and respect from my family?
It’s hasn’t been easy it takes a lot of work. I know that this devil lies within me and wants to see me fail. This is something I ask God for help with everyday.
I am so very grateful to be alive and to have my family back!