- Alcohol
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
My name is Jake and I am a recovering alcoholic. I have been sober for close to three years. When I was around 15 years old, I began using alcohol to feel “normal”. Now I know that my struggle with anxiety was the main reason that I self-medicated.
I managed to live a fairly normal life through my drinking career. I graduated high school, went to a community college and studied tool and die technology and always seemed to find a fairly good job. I married the one and only girl I ever truly loved, and she gave birth to our two beautiful daughters. We have both worked hard for everything we have and are very proud of that. Other than sometimes wishing for more money, we had everything we hoped for.
In my early thirties, my alcohol use progressed quickly, although I had no worries about it becoming a problem at the time. I figured if I was not hurting anyone and I was still able to make it to work then there was no problem. Eventually, I began drinking alone more often. Sometimes, I would drink enough to feel that I could easily socialize with others.
The constant worry of running out (of alcohol) was such a horrible feeling.
My drink of choice was vodka, it was cheap and provided the quickest feeling of relief. Having a bottle around was a must and I usually had a backup bottle to ease my mind. It is unbelievable that I never had a DWI, accident or worse. I always kept bottles under my car seat.
I really struggle with the fact that I drove drunk with my kids and wife in the car. That thought haunts me quite often. My addiction became more than mental. In the end, if I went more than six hours without alcohol, I felt sick and would shake uncontrollably. I will never forget the fear I had of people noticing my trembling hands.
During my drive to work, I would catch a pretty good buzz to carry me through until lunch break. I would spend my lunch breaks drinking and sneaking into whichever liquor store I had not visited day before, and praying nobody I worked with would see me there.
I tried numerous methods of getting sober, they all seemed to fail quickly. I went through two rounds of inpatient treatment thinking I would be fixed when I was released. I learned things while there, I just didn’t use them while I was back in my old environment.
From what I understand, my wife was on the edge of giving up on me. I know I felt completely hopeless and scared. Drinking was not fun at that point; it was necessary to function physically. I thought I had tried everything except a twelve step fellowship. Because of my anxiety, thinking about being in a room with strangers was the last thing I wanted to do. But I did go.
Eventually, I got a sponsor and continue to attend meetings in my community. I try to always keep my medallion in my pocket as a reminder of my sobriety. My time between relapses continued to grow and I have been sober for almost three years now. Fortunately, I am still married to my wife and have a great relationship with her and my two children.