- Alcohol
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Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
Both my brother and my father are in recovery. My brother and I were born in the same year– for two weeks each year, we share the same age. My brother and I are both 32 right now.
Growing up, I was very affected by the disease of addiction and I felt very helpless for a long time.
My father had been drinking and using drugs as long as I could recall. I had been aware of it since I was a small child. My father was abusive to my mother when my brother and I were young and I prayed every day for him to change. I prayed every day for us to leave him, and for my mom to get away from him.
My father’s drinking definitely affected my relationship with him. I think it may have affected me more than my siblings. My brother was also very attached to our dad. Our sister lived with our grandmother most the time and didn’t see what we saw. I loved our father.
When my brother and I were about ten years old, my father went to prison. My brother was doing well up until that happened. Something changed in that moment for him. We had to move, and since he only had sisters, he seemed to be looking for male friends. He was left with cousins who drank and used drugs. He got involved with other boys and was drawn to the alcohol, drug, and gang scene by age 12. From there on out, things went downhill.
My mom had been with my father since she was 15 years old. He was all she knew and when he went to prison, she was lost. She never worked and didn’t know what to do. She started drinking heavily, too. She was depressed and felt hopeless. Thank God that her drinking didn’t last too long. Fortunately, she soon got sober. Although she had few skills, she managed to find a job while our father was in prison.
When Dad came back from prison, we could see he hadn’t changed. On the other hand, my mom had found some confidence on her own through having a job and raising the children herself for a while. My dad made the mistake of being unfaithful after he came back from prison and they got divorced, which made me happy at the time.
My brother and I had an older sister who decided to live with my grandmother after our parent’s divorce. Only my brother and I moved with my mother. It was very hard for my mother to control my brother while he went down a bad path in life. Just like our father, he mainly used alcohol and marijuana.
My brother went through really rough patches during his youth. Sometimes things were better, sometimes they were worse. At one point, my brother found himself in a hopeless situation as he was just turning 30, and he decided it would be best to move away from the town where we lived. He moved from our small town in Arizona to a different town in Ohio, where my older sister lived.
The move to Ohio helped him greatly. In Ohio, he was completely separated from all of the former influences in his life: former friends, alcohol, and drugs. The new environment was good for him. He turned his life around and got sober while he lived with my sister. Today, he enjoys participating in his church and he has lots of friends that support him in his sobriety.
My dad had gone to prison and was released again during this time. Nothing had changed. I felt that it was totally hopeless to think of him changing and getting better. He was older, and I did not expect him to stop drinking or using drugs.
I don’t know what it was, but something clicked for our father as well. He now has six months of sobriety today, which is the longest span of sobriety he has ever had. My dad is 56 years old today and I know that it was hard for him. His entire life consisted of drinking and smoking marijuana before this change. I’m grateful and proud of him that he made it to this unbelievable change. I don’t know why the change happened for my father, but I believe that my brother’s sobriety inspired my dad to give it a try on his own.
My father checked himself into a 30-day treatment program and as soon as he told me about that, I promised him that I would be there to support him. Because he was veteran, he had access to a good veteran treatment program and followed advice after he finished it. I finally have a good relationship with my father after many years of disappointment, anger, and avoidance. In the six months that he has been sober, he and I have talked more than we ever talked in my entire life. A couple of weeks ago, we had lunch together and we sat for about two hours and talked. It was maybe the longest conversation that we ever had together. It was beautiful.
I believe my detachment from my father to protect my children was also a good motivator for my dad to finally get sober. He wanted to be in the lives of his grandchildren and I wouldn’t let him see them while he was drinking or smoking drugs. Today, sees my kids often and he loves to be around them.
The Heroes in Recovery run in Arizona inspired me to run in honor of my father and brother. My sisters and I were always runners. My brother started running once he entered recovery and it has really helped him to stay on course with his sobriety. Once I found this race, I felt like this is perfect. Running is something I love to do, and this is for a cause that really speaks to me.
It is never, ever too late to make that change and find sobriety. It is not a question of age, and it doesn’t matter how badly you have hurt your family or someone else. People can forgive, and recovery will bring healing.