- Friends & Family
- Mental Health
Mental illness has been a part of my whole life. Depression runs in our family; everybody has it. Other stuff probably runs in the family too, but it hasn’t been diagnosed. For the majority of my life (probably until I was about 15 years old) my mother was not on medication. I lived with it my whole life, and I began experiencing my own depression at around age 12. I didn’t really do anything about it until I was 25.
I’d gotten a new job and had health insurance for the first time, which made things a lot easier. I saw how well meds were working for my mom. I had reached a point where I knew that without medication, I couldn’t function. I knew that I couldn’t will this out of me.
I am really lucky, and I have been going to the same doctor since I was three. He is a family practitioner. He treats my mom; he treats my dad; and he knows everything about my family. He diagnosed my mom, and gave her medication in the first place. In my life, it was always a “when” versus an “if” I would reach the point where I needed medication. I held off longer than I would advise anybody.
My mother never hid the fact that she had depression from me, or that it ran in her family. She even said she might have been borderline bipolar. It was never something that we didn’t talk about. Although we never talked about it in a family setting around my dad, my mom never wanted me to be ashamed. I think growing up in the time that she did, she felt like she wasn’t allowed to be depressed and that she wasn’t allowed to have issues. She knew from an early age that I was prone to depression, and my mother never wanted me to be ashamed of needing help.
I grew up in a very loving household, with parents that did nothing but respect me, accept me, and encourage me. It’s been a completely supportive household. There’s just a huge family history– three out of four of my aunts and uncles are on anti-depressants. That’s why I think it was so easy to accept. It was something I grew up knowing existed.
Depression is always going to be a part of my life. I may have to try different medications over the years. If you have to try 10, 20, or 30 different medications, or different combinations, know that is part of it. It’s not your fault if your meds all of the sudden stop working. It’s not you; it’s body chemistry changes, it’s that the time of life that you are in changes.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. If you have somebody that you truly trust and respect, don’t be afraid to open up to them. It’s a lot harder to deal with mental illness and depression alone, and it can be a vicious cycle. I have people I can come to in my life and say “I’m depressed, my meds aren’t working. I don’t know what’s going on and I am really angry right now.” That’s all a normal part of depression.
It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong that got you to this point. It’s a real thing, and you can get some help.