- Alcohol
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Submitted by: Abby Foster
Dave H. has suffered a loss that all parents fear. He lost his son Greg to a drug overdose in May 2012. It is possible Greg may have survived if there had been access to naloxone, the opioid overdose reversal antidote, or if a 911 Good Samaritan Law was in place. Dave shares his journey as a father, a person in recovery, and an advocate and ally. This is his story.
I have 29 years in recovery. I like myself better than I used to. It’s really that simple. After each day of sobriety, I like myself better. I’ve become a better human being, and become just a better person in general. I’m enjoying life and I can enjoy life on my own terms.
Most of my problem was with alcohol. Although I did have problems with pharmaceuticals, I never used opiates or heroin. I got a DUI after I rear-ended a car who rear-ended a car, who rear-ended a car. Thank God that nobody was seriously injured. They only suffered minor injuries because I guarantee I would not be here today if somebody had been hurt seriously. I went home that night in a squad car.
My son Greg (the one that I lost to addiction) was three months old at the time and my son Dave was 15 months old. When I woke up in the morning I was still a little hungover and my 15-month-old said to me, “It’s a beautiful day, Dad.” At that moment, I realized I wanted to be around to see my kids grow up. That was my turning point, but the irony is that my motivation for sobriety was these two little children. My two children, at three months and 15 months, saved my life– but I couldn’t save my son’s. That’s the irony.
Years later, I got a phone call that is beyond a parent’s worst nightmare, informing me that my son was dead. He died of an accidental heroin overdose in May 2012. He was a great kid, and he was a good athlete. He was an AP student, and he did what many young people are wired to do– push the envelope a little bit. He started experimenting early in life and alcohol and other drugs led him eventually to a path where he tried heroin.
One of the things that happens in substance use disorder is it takes good people to bad places. In my son’s instance it took him on to do some stints in prison. He cruised through his first stay in jail. After his second stint he decided that he didn’t want to live like that anymore. He said he didn’t want to be institutionalized, whether it’s in a long-term rehab or a correctional facility.
We had a lot of conversations while he was institutionalized about where he had been, and how he could avoid going back there. When he came out, he was doing everything right. He was living with my wife and me, he was engaged, he wasn’t up in his room hiding at night, he was watching ball games, laughing, joking …living again. He was going to bed early, getting up, exercising. He was preparing to be in a mud run race to help raise money for multiple sclerosis research, he was doing community service, and he had 17 months of sobriety.
One of the other things we talked about was that I thought he really shouldn’t drink. That never appeared to be a problem for him. I can never really recall that being a problem. My fear there was some night he might drink and drink too much and it would cloud his judgement. Sure enough, he was out with some friends (and they were good people in his life)—but then he ran into a couple of old running mates and he had one too many and it clouded his judgement and he thought he could use one more time.
When he did that, he overdosed and when he overdosed, the people he was with picked him up, put him in his own car, drove him to a hospital… and they walked away. They did not honk the horn; they didn’t go pound on the door at the emergency room. They didn’t go a block away and call 911 and say, “Hey, look in the car in the parking lot.” It was about an hour before he was discovered and by then it was too late.
I was in shock in the aftermath of his death. When that happens, you’re absolutely in shock. A couple things about his death stand out. He died on May 19th and two days later I was with the investigating detective who investigated his death and he (the detective) said to me, “If we had a 911 good Samaritan law or a Narcan law, your son might very well be alive today.” That day, May 21st, is my birthday. It’s also the last time I saw my son’s earthly body. That’s what I’ve lived with the rest of my life in the aftermath of his death. I made a vow. My vow was I would save a life in his name.
I had no clue how I was going to do it, and I thought back to the 911 good Samaritan law and naloxone access law and I saw that as my vehicle. I’m by no means a wealthy man, but I decided to close my company and work on advocacy and that’s what I’ve been doing since Greg’s death.
Last January I received a phone call from my uncle and he said, “I had to give you a call. Your cousin overdosed.” I said, “Oh, God.” He said, “The good news is you saved his life because of the work you’ve done in Delaware, the 911 good Samaritan law. I called 911, they came, they administered Nalaxone and he’s alive today.” I was able to help my very own cousin.
When you’re going through it you have no clue where to turn. The thing I would tell them family members or loved ones of an addicted person is, “You’re not alone. There are so many other people going through this. Don’t let the stigma of your loved one’s addiction affect you. You have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed of. There are groups around, there are people around where you can have human contact and find out that there are other people going through the exact same thing you’re going through. You don’t have to do this alone.”
I’m contemplative and I go back to what I said before: save a life. As long as they’re alive, they’re going to relapse, we know that. It’s part of the process but where there’s life there’s hope. That’s the biggest thing that I bring to people who are going through this, whether it’s loved ones or they’re still in use.
To the people that currently struggle with this disease, you have to get yourself well first. It didn’t take you a day to get this deep. It didn’t take you a week or a month. You can’t hurry this. You have to go through it gradually, and get yourself well so you can reclaim your life. You can’t just jump into a new relationship and expect things to be as they were overnight. It takes time and you have to work for the recovery. You have to try and find out what it is that took you into use to begin with.
The two things I think are really important, and you can call it whatever name you want, but I think you can get through things better if you can adapt some kind of meditation-type process where you sit down at a specified time each day. I’ve been doing it for a long time– each morning I sit down and I read inspirational things, sometimes they’re biblical, sometimes they’re outside of that.
I also think that it is important to find some sort of physical activity as a healthy release to help you in your recovery. I think it’s also important to have someone that can help– call it a sponsor, or whatever you want to call it, but a go-to person to call when you have that itch. Push those phone buttons and talk to those people so you don’t go scratch your itch. I think that’s very important.
You hear the argument that it is a choice to do these things. It’s not a choice. It’s a disease. Let’s be fair, it’s a disease, and people still talk about junkies and addicts. I hate both of those words, even addict. What I come away with is, first save the life. Where there is life, there is hope. That’s the big takeaway from this.