- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Mental Health
How long have you been on your recovery journey?
I’ve been on my recovery journey for a little over 2 years now. My sobriety date is January 12, 2014.
What is the biggest positive change in your life since then?
It’s hard to say because there are so many. If I had to choose one, I’d say it’s been gaining the ability to connect with people and have meaningful relationships with friends and family. It was lonely back in the days of my addiction and I simply didn’t know how to bond with anyone… or perhaps I did, but I was just too afraid. So I bonded with drugs and alcohol. Today it’s different though, today I bond with people and in doing so the urge to drink or use has been lifted.
What led to your need for recovery (from substance abuse or some other issue)?
Well the short answer of this is that the pain and loneliness that I carried in my addiction became greater than the fear of giving it up in order to try something else.
The slightly longer answer is that drugs and alcohol stopped working for me. Addiction, in its nature, is progressive so as time went by I had to use and drink more and more to get the same level of “escape” that I used to get with that first pill I took. This led to more pills, stronger pills and eventually heroin.
Once I reached that point, I was drowning in shame and secrecy and I was completely disconnected from everyone around me. It became too much of a burden to bear and I was left with two choices. I had to either stop using drugs every day (which seemed impossible) or die because the secrecy of my addiction was quite literally killing me.
What was the turning point for you?
The turning point for me was when I was down to my last thread of hope of ever getting better and I knew that I had to change what I was doing dramatically because it simply wasn’t working anymore. Complete, unadulterated desperation is what I felt in the days leading up to me checking into rehab.
What is one important truth you’ve learned through the process?
The biggest truth I’ve learned is that I can’t do it alone. I tried that for far too long and I failed and I’ve seen so many others fail because they want to do it all on their own. The truth, to me, is that we never get better alone and the key to healing is connection.
What are you most proud of about your life today?
I’m most proud of the fact that I am able to be a present father and husband today for my beautiful wife and daughter. As sad as it is to say, I know that if I was still in the grips of my addiction that they would not be a priority in my life. Like everything else they’d fall second place to my addiction and I’m proud that they don’t have to be secondary to anything because they only deserve the best. I’m proud that my daughter will only know me being clean and sober and that she’ll never have to know what it’s like growing up with addiction/alcoholism in the home.
What is one of your biggest struggles in ongoing recovery? How do you overcome that?
The hardest part has been learning how to cope with the things that I once just numbed out with drugs and alcohol. I’ve had to learn new coping skills to deal with my PTSD and my depression. I know that may sound like it’s negative but it’s really not, it’s truly been a positive because the reality of it is that if I don’t learn a new way of dealing with those things then I won’t be able to stay clean and sober. So, I’m truly one of the lucky ones that have to find new healthy ways to cope.
What part of your life do you find most satisfying since you have been in recovery?
I’d say the bonds and connections that I have today. The relationships that I have today are unlike anything I ever had back in the days of my addiction. I thought that I knew what meaningful connection was but looking back it really doesn’t compare in the slightest with the bonds I have today. I’ve found that when I walk through the fear of becoming close with someone, that’s usually the time when I feel the best and heal the most. There aren’t many feelings that can compare to that.
Is there a truth or piece of advice someone shared with you that has helped you on this road?
There are so many that it’s hard to choose from, but one thing that my sponsor told me has really stuck with me ever since I first heard him say it. It was something like, “You can’t think your way into a new way of living. You have to live your way into a new way of thinking.”
That saying always stuck with me because it’s a great reminder that I can’t simply think myself out of difficult situations. In fact, my thinking is what led me to trouble over the years. Instead I’ve had to retrain myself to do the right thing regardless of how I feel because my feelings will eventually catch up. The other piece of advice that has been so important to me in my recovery is the importance of having an attitude of gratitude. In all areas of my life I always try to focus on the positive and on what I have instead of the negative. I don’t always succeed but every time I have made a gratitude list, it has been 100 percent effective in changing the way I feel to being positive and optimistic.
What would you tell someone who is at the beginning of his/her recovery journey and is afraid he/she can’t do it?
That I’ve been there. That the fear is normal. That I’d honestly be more concerned if they had a mindset of “I’ve got this.” It’s good to have a healthy amount of fear, especially early on in recovery. Also, your body is going through a lot of changes physically, mentally and emotionally so don’t be surprised if you feel great one minute and then anxious and depressed the next. Give yourself some time to heal and try to be patient with yourself. As uncomfortable as you feel in this moment, it will be nothing compared to the incredible relationships that are ahead. It’s not always going to be easy but it’s always worth it and you deserve it!