- Alcohol
In May of 2011, I was admitted to the hospital with near liver failure. I was almost at the end of a three-year relapse into alcoholism. I say “almost” because, although my doctor told me that he didn’t expect to see me in his office for a follow up visit, I decided to drink again after four months. I did this because I was feeling miserable since I refused to go back to meetings and to work a program.
It had started at the very end of 2008, when I was almost eight years sober. But like a lot of alcoholics, I had stopped going to support group meetings and doing what I needed to do to stay sober. I was facing a major emotional meltdown after a very bad few months (details of that are not really that important). I didn’t like how I was feeling and I knew exactly how to solve it. I got drunk.
I immediately went to a meeting but I wasn’t quite through drinking. I proceeded to drink daily for the next three years. And when I say “drink,” I mean I really drank. I hardly drew a sober breath during those three years. I was emotionally unavailable for friends, family and anyone else. People were telling me that my skin was turning yellow, but I lied to myself and denied it.
Once I got out of the hospital, I remained sober for four months but never changed anything in my life. I didn’t go to meetings. I didn’t work a program. I just didn’t want to be a part of it. I was too smart for all of that recovery nonsense. I got drunk again and stayed drunk for three days. That is how I ended up in treatment.
In the first few days of treatment, I wanted to go home. I was still denying that I couldn’t beat this by myself. However, after listening to what my counselors had to say and taking some time away to work on me, my mind began to clear and focus. I realized that I actually wanted to be sober.
Once I got out of treatment, I immediately threw myself into group meetings and started working the steps. I made new friends and even got to know me again. This past year hasn’t been easy but it has been worth it. People actually have told me that they like me again. Just today, my mom told me that she has seen such a change (for the better) in me. It feels good to be sober and alive again.
If you are struggling, please reach out. There are people to help.