Recovering from a substance addiction is hard. It maybe the hardest mountain you will ever overcome. I would be lying if I said one day it would be easier.
This is not an easy topic for me. It’s actually a topic I’m ashamed to admit to. How can a respected, brave, looked up woman have such a despicable weakness? I did, I still do.
As a recovering addict it’s hard. It’s hard being able to feel after feeling numb for so long. It’s hard loving people after loving a drug. It’s hard to have cravings when your craving a drug. It’s hard being under pressure and afraid because you just want to run back to the drug.
The memories are even harder. It’s like when you fall in love for the first time— something you don’t ever forget.
Then you ask why? Why recover?
Because you love yourself. Because you want to live and if you’re saying “I don’t” then the substance will destroy you — that’s exactly what your substance abuse is doing. You don’t see it because you are so in love but it’s destroying you. When you are on it you are not yourself — you are the drug. The 6 year old girl who planned her wedding everyday is not the girl searching for pennies in the street to buy more drugs.