- Alcohol
- Drugs
I started drinking at the age of 12. I drank with my cousins while they were babysitting me. My first time drinking, I downed a bottle of whiskey. At the age of 13, I started smoking and drinking with all of my friends. I did it even though my family told me not to. I didn’t know what I was doing to my life. I was a great student, but I didn’t know that I already had addiction-related behaviors. No matter what I did, I always did my very best. I was a top cheerleader, softball player and homecoming contestant.
At the age of 16, I got involved with an older crowd. I started smoking meth, not having a clue what I was doing to myself. I made it through school, although I was hanging by a thread. I was present while cooking and saw that awful drug take a lot of people down. I started making it myself after everyone got busted. I hurt people that were just like me as I didn’t care who I took down with me. I started cosmetology school but didn’t succeed. I started stealing which was an addiction all by itself. I was arrested numerous times for petty theft and DUI. I lost six friends to this disease. I wasted chances to be with my family and the friends that matter. I’ve been beat black and blue over nothing. I picked boyfriends who either cheated on me or beat me. I thought I met the love of my life, and I got pregnant after about six years of dating him on and off. When I was eight months pregnant, he burglarized a house, and I was outside. I was an accessory to a burglary so I went to jail for about three weeks.
I suffered from postpartum depression after the most precious thing alive came into my life. I desperately wanted to change, but I could not. I was in trouble in five different counties, didn’t have a license or job, owed fines and was looking at jail time and losing custody. I fell into a deep depression. I prayed for some sort of relief. I showed up at court drunk. I couldn’t handle any more. I just wanted it to come to an end. I had lost everything. I knew that it was over for me, and I turned myself in. I had no clue that God would answer my prayers by sending me to prison.
I searched very deep to try and figure out what was wrong with me. I worked on myself physically and mentally. Later in my sentence, I wrote the judge that sent me off and thanked him for saving my life. I got out and did a 180 with my and my daughter’s life. I attended meetings every Friday night and worked my steps. I got a job and paid my fines. I worked so hard to build a sturdy foundation and surround myself with great, positive people. I got a nice house, spoiled my daughter like crazy and was the best person and mother that I could be.
I stopped going to meetings as I thought I had my addiction beat. My life started to fall apart instantly. I relapsed one week before receiving my two-year medallion. I still maintained my job and pretended I was a functioning addict. I felt guilt and the shame as I knew how great it felt to be sober and how great my life was. I was letting everyone down after working so hard to prove myself. I was slowly but surely losing it. I hurt my sister, her family, my daughter and everyone, but I could not stop. During this time my dad took his life. I had never felt such pain; I never knew pain like that could exist. I was suicidal, lost my mind and thought there was no coming back from this. I was in and out of psych wards. My friends and family saw my self-destruction and never gave up on me.
I hopped on a plane, scared to death but ready to change. I have spent two of the longest months trying to get back on track. I am starting to realize that God did this to me and my family to get us back on track for our children. If this hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I have experienced a ton of hard life lessons, but I feel like God has chosen me because I am strong and because He knows that I can make it through. I can share the lessons I have learned with others. I have experienced what most have not, and I am looking forward to helping others and living a bright new way of life.