- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Faith
On a beautiful, sunny morning after a meeting, my friend Gary sat with me outside on a bench and shared his story of addiction and recovery. I am very glad about this since I am sure that many of you can relate to the troubles he was facing in his life. I’ve known him for a while now. He is a very active member of our sober community and is always helpful to newcomers and longer term sober members alike because he never forgot how it was. His story shows that it is possible to recover physically, mentally and financially.
Gary lives now in Paducah, KY, a beautiful town along the Ohio River. He started drinking and smoking dope at the age of 15. He said that it was a question of “fitting in” for him at that time. He is sure that he crossed over the line into addiction during his time in the military service, where he was stationed in Germany. At that time, he had a lot of contact with methamphetamine, which stayed his drug of choice for a very long time and enabled him to also drink even more. Gary told me that he tried about every drug imaginable and has suffered the consequences to this day. Alcohol was always very prevalent. He considers himself an alcoholic. Once he has his first drink, he loses control. It doesn’t matter if it is a substance in liquid form or solid form that gets him started. He has had many jobs during his life and lost many. He was a truck driver for most of his life. Lots of his jobs were lost because of drug testing. But this didn’t make him stop using, just made him change jobs.
Gary married first his high school sweetheart and got into trouble in the military due to drugs. He was discharged and his marriage didn’t last. He has three ex-wives now, all because of his alcohol and drug use. He loved the bright lights, the night life and the parties. He could never see himself as someone who doesn’t party. Gary always married women who didn’t drink. He thinks now that this was maybe a cry for help, thinking that they could fix him. He describes himself as a “blackout drinker,” always drunk to the point that he couldn’t remember anything.
At the age of 27, he made his first call to a meeting program. A guy named Bill came to him and showed him how it works. Bill told him clearly that, although he hadn’t yet been incarcerated or lost wives, homes or cars, all of that was sure to come to him. At that point, Gary was not yet willing to give up his drinking and drugs, especially his dope. All he wanted at this point was to get out of trouble with his alcoholism. He could visualize himself at that point as being old and sitting in a rocking chair on his porch and still smoking dope. He was holding on to these old ideas. He didn’t work the steps, he still smoked dope and he didn’t do what they told him to do. Therefore, he was in and out of the program for many, many years.
In 1992, he moved from Louisville, KY to the Madisonville area. He had a big fight with his wife at this time. He took a back road to avoid police cars, but instead found a state trooper and broadsided him on a two-lane road. Thankfully, nobody got hurt, but it took him to jail. This incident motivated Gary to go back to meetings. This time, he didn’t drink again but he did hold on to his marijuana. He and his second wife got divorced and he married his third wife a day after his divorce. He said that women might have been his downfall like any other of the things that made him feel good. For six or seven years, he stayed somewhat sober and he intermittently had jobs. He quit going to meetings at some point. His first sponsor, Bill, told him very clearly that, if he picked back up, he wouldn’t pick up where he stopped. Addition is a disease that progresses. Bill was right.
It got much worse for Gary in a very short period of time as he picked up one drink and thought that he could handle it. For the next 10 years, he did not draw a sober breath. There was some alcohol in his system constantly. It got so bad for him that he had to have a line of methamphetamine in the morning, grab some Jack Daniels and have a joint just so he could function for his day. His third wife and he got divorce, he lost his job and he had no job for a year. He lost everything he had and moved back to Paducah because he had nowhere else to go. He was 50 years old at that time and his mother and his sister took him in. They loved him because he was family but they sure didn’t like him. He comes from a family that doesn’t drink, and they had to live with an active alcoholic under one roof.
He was raised in church and tried to follow that path many times. He describes it as being “on fire” for a while. But when the fire went down, he went back to drugs and alcohol. He tried meetings so many times but could not get it. He felt that he was beaten and he gave up. Gary managed to get away from the meth use but he continued to drink. Along the way, he made some really bad choices, which got him into trouble later on. He had four DUIs and wrecked every vehicle he ever owned except the one he drives today. Jack Daniels cannot drive!
He was last drunk on September 10th, 2003. He had to serve 24 weekends in jail for a DUI. As he entered the jail cell this time, something struck him. He refers to it as a “spiritual experience.” He just saw the words “God help me.” All of the sudden, all the things that he learned in meetings so many years ago rushed through his mind, and he knew what he had to do. He had to do 90 meetings in 90 days. He had to get a sponsor and had to take the steps off the wall and start applying them to his life. He knew he had to put the steps on paper. He couldn’t sleep that night and couldn’t tell anybody. He didn’t know what happened to him that night in that cell. For the first time in his life, Gary knew that he didn’t have to drink again and that he had to do something about it. His sister picked him up from jail on Sunday night and told him again that he had to do something about his drinking. He told her then that he didn’t have to drink again! He went to well over 90 meetings and did everything that he was supposed to do.
Gary’s ife was not a bed of roses from that day on. His sister had ovarian cancer and his mother was getting older. After being three years sober, the bad choices from his life and the wreckage of his past caught up with him. Gary had to go to prison for four years and nine months. He could resist all the opportunities of drugs in prison and he instead visited meetings and took classes. During this time, his sister died, his fiancé went back to drinking and died and his mother got ill. After getting released from prison, he bought a house, moved his mother in and took care of her until she died. He got complaisant for a while and didn’t go to many meetings until he saw a friend relapse. He knew that it could happen to him as well. He went back to meetings and keep praying for God’s will to be done in his life. By the grace of God, his life is stable now. He is sober and is very active in the sober community. He has a home, a nice truck, a Harley and a good life. He still struggles with the consequences of his past. Due to drug use, he is getting treatment for Hepatitis C. He thought that he lost all he had at one time but now he knows that he threw it all away.
He would like to give a final piece of advice to those who start seeking help:
Don’t give up until the miracle happens. Don’t give up. Hang on. Put a plug in the jug and don’t drink. It is not a joke to say being “locked up, covered up or sobered up.” Make 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor and work the steps. Pray and don’t drink!