- Alcohol
I grew up in an abusive home. My dad left when I was a boy, leaving my mom to care for me. She did a lot of hitting and a lot of yelling; I was pretty much scared of my mom. By the time I was old enough to read, my dad sent me a letter telling me he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. As a boy, I was just lost in life; I couldn’t figure out why these things were happening.
By the time I was 10, I discovered alcohol. It made me feel diffferent than the misery I was feeling. Then at 12, I discovered drugs, which led to a lifetime of complete hopelessness. At 20, I was doing so much cocaine that I blew a blood vessel in my brain, which led to brain surgery. All the while, I just wanted to be dead. Within a year after surgery, I entered rehab, and that was my first introduction to a 12-Step program. I found a new way of life; I had changed everything: friends, family, job—everything except where I lived.
Then I did a geographical move to where I live now. At first, I started going to meetings, then my disease set in and put the fear of acceptance in me. The people were different, the meetings were different, and it wasn’t long before I was back in active addiction. I always knew I was addicted to drugs, but I didn’t look at myself as addict because I had a a job, a home, a wife and kids. This went on for the next 20 years until finally I just couldn’t go on anymore. I was down to 125 pounds and just wanted to be dead. I had destroyed everything around me; my disease had created a monster.
Then one a day, my wife found me curled up in the fetal position on my bedroom floor. I wanted nothing but to be dead, and I wasn’t dead. I wanted and needed something different than drugs. So I had my wife make a few phone calls, and the next thing I knew, I was on my way to a treatment facility in California. So on 9/26/2012, I will be celebrating two years clean and sober. RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE!!! Life is hard, but as long as I put into my recovery the effort I put into my addiction, I can make it another day. I am not lost in life anymore. For me, it’s about having an attitude of gratitude. RECOVERY ROCKS!!! MY NAME IS CHRIS AND I AM AN ADDICT. Thank you to my treatment center for getting me started and giving me some hope.