- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Faith
- Friends & Family
I am grateful every day for the alcoholic in my life who found recovery. Through treatment and family programs – my spouse and our two sons went to treatment and each are clean and sober today. Breaking the chain of addiction, maladaptive behaviors and going through the dark nights of our souls and walking out the other side – profoundly grateful that each one made it out alive. We live today practicing the program of recovery and faith – humbly and joyously.
My husband went back to school after fifteen years of sobriety at age 55 and got his Bachelor’s of Science in Psychology, CADC-R – and began his practice as an Addiction Therapist. He works 10-12 hours a day with one-on-one’s, groups, intensive outpatient – and every night he gets home and I ask him to tell me a happy story (Addiction Therapists have a TOUGH job) and he will get that twinkle in his eye and tell how he was successful with an intervention or got through to someone previously closed off or a parent expressing shock and awe of the changes they see in their child. He is tireless and most of all – he never gets numb to the miracles and is always mindful of the little gets. The losses are always the toughest – and he doesn’t miss a funeral of a client or client’s loved one lost to drugs and alcohol.
I know the thing that makes Rick the one the parole officers send “the tough ones” to – he never judges, he treats everyone respectfully and allows everyone their humility and you simply can’t BS your way with Rick.
I have heard it said so many times- “you were the first person to really care about me.” He amazes me every day and through the worst and best of our forty years of marriage – he is still my Christian Soldier that gives me butterflies. He is my Hero – unwavering, unconditionally loving – my biggest and most loyal fan.
Rick was pronounced dead on arrival after a drunk driving accident. They called to say he was deceased and his Doctor was walking by the gurney put in the hallway and his eye lid fluttered. They aspirated his lungs, he responded and coma, surgeries and intensive care netted a man on the mend. Drunk driving accidents – there had been several. The accidents and severity increased and the time he was on his way to pick up our son from hockey school and rolled his truck – was my moment of clarity. He was 1 hour from putting 2 boys in that truck and the ending could have been so much worse and I could never have forgiven myself. He was intoxicated and rolled another vehicle on the highway and 1 more time – the big guy spared anyone else.
They were always singular car accidents where the harm done – was to self. It was rehab or leave and this time, there was no screaming, shouting, shaming or blaming. I was taking responsibility for my choices and the circumstances had slapped the denial right out of me. 2 stints in rehab – and today he and we – our tribe, our family all work in the Health and Wellness Field. Our middle son went to Hazelden, Augsburg College and “Step Up Sober Living Dorm” and after graduation – worked at Hazelden. My “open talk” at Hazelden’s Gala was in front of 800 – life always provides moments that humble!!!
There is French emersion and then there is recovery emersion – rehab, after-care, learning to think, walk and talk this new language called recovery. Hazelden is the most amazing place and then real work and life begin. Navigating triggers, friends that unfriend the previous life of the party, dealing with life and emotions on life’s terms without numbing and learning to understand feelings and be shocked by the breadth and depth of feelings!
Foundationally we changed to rigorous honesty, non-judgment, humility on top of ego, hearing and being heard, saying how you feel politely and kindly, calling each other out lovingly, with a heaps of acceptance and willingness. It takes a village and a tribe – we walk this thing called recovery together and while jobs and what we consider family have changed – the man and family came of age and to “see” and feel in techno-color and live our best life – each and every one of us – the blessings can fill my heart and spill over daily.
An addict didn’t go the cupboard of life and pick being an addict, but it is up to the addict to manage their disease – not me. Separate the addict from the one you love and treat them accordingly My decision making got simple – are the thoughts, words and choices I make feeding recovery or feeding addiction and maladaptive behaviors?
I never imagined trust this deep, love this kind, life this full of everything that matters. I treasure and adore this man and our family – the work he does, the gifts our boundless and limitless and the promises of recovery really and truly are – happy, joyous and free.