- Drugs
Growing up, I had a privileged life. I had the picture perfect family with a brother and sister who were the best in sports. I was involved in competitive cheerleading and pageants. My parents were very much in love until I was in middle school. At that point, they fell out of love but remained friends through my years of growing up. When I was fifteen years old, I was involved in a drinking and driving accident that caused me to see two of my best friends pass away. That was a very traumatic event that I had to overcome on my own. Granted, I had my family support, but it was something that I thought I needed to get through on my own. From that point on, I started to experiment with drugs and alcohol.
High school was a great time for me, and I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I got accepted into college and was on my way to the University of Kentucky. I cheered during college, until I injured my knee. It was very devastating when I lost my scholarship, but I transferred schools and joined a sorority where I met a new crowd of friends. After transferring, I found out that my mother had cancer, which would eventually become terminal. That was very hard for me to handle, but I started seeing a counselor to deal with it. My drug use began to increase slowly. After I finally got a handle on things, I received more devastating news about my best friend being involved in a drinking and driving accident. Elizabeth was in the hospital from June 15th- July 27th. During that time, I started to lose sight of my future and my sense of control. I didn’t express my emotions during the funeral or anytime after that because I thought my role was to be the rock for all of my friends. Even early on, I was afraid to show emotions. It made me feel weak, and my sense of control was gone when I would cry. That eventually led to more problems. The therapist I started to see previously helped me through this too, but I was always hesitant to share my real emotions.
A year passed, and I finally started to feel in control again. Then I threw a party for my closest friends to ring in the New Year. The night was going great until right before midnight. The details are vague in my memory but when I woke up the next morning, it looked like I was involved in a physical altercation. The questions were flooding through my mind until I found the camera that revealed what exactly happened. Someone who I thought was my dear friend sexually assaulted me, and my life was changed forever. My drug use went off a cliff in such a short amount of time. I hid it from my family and friends and kept my secret to myself. I was losing weight rapidly, and my friends kept commenting that I was acting differently. I was living the biggest lie, which was that I was really NOT okay.
That year is a blur, but all I know is that I was not okay. To add to those unfortunate events, my mother passed away. There was no hope left in my heart. I continued going to my internship like nothing happened. At the rock bottom of my addiction, my boss reached out and lent a helping hand, by the grace of God. He sent me home from my internship and later came to my apartment. That is when I poured my heart out about everything that was going on.
I reached out and found a treatment center that would help all of my issues. When I first arrived at the treatment center, I was in very bad shape. I was there for a total of 32 days. During the first three weeks, I had no idea what was going on and I wasn’t fully into it. I was kidding myself thinking that I was ready to take on the real world. I left the treatment program, went to a few meetings and stayed away from my addiction until I was physically abused by my ex-fiancé. It shattered my world, and I went back to my addiction. I was only out of the treatment center for two weeks before I returned. At first, I was ashamed to return, but the staff welcomed me with open arms. As terrible as the event was, I believe that situation saved my life. I wasn’t strong enough to adjust to the real world, and it would only be a matter of time before I went spiraling back into my addiction. The staff at the treatment program gave me tools to use in my everyday life. Today, I am 101 days sober and going strong. I couldn’t be more thankful for the staff members who helped me. From the doctors and therapists to the residential counselors and the chefs, they all really had a huge impact on my recovery.
Even the worst situations can bring out the light. I realized that I was given the hand I was dealt and that I need to learn how to play that hand. It wasn’t the life I dreamt of having, but I am very fortunate for the love and support that I have. With the holidays coming up, we should all count our blessings. Even though you may not have a full support system, there is always someone who will listen. And remember, there is always someone who is struggling with the same battle as you. The only way to fight through this war is to stand strong and remember that it does get better. I promise you that.