- Mental Health
What were the struggles that led you to seek a change?
In the beginning, I was struggling with an eating disorder, psychosis and depression. This was leading to self-harm and suicide attempts. My family was distraught because they couldn’t understand why I was doing these things. I made the decision to get help because I was ruining their lives. While I was in college, the counselor played a major part in my life. While I was there, she set up doctor appointments and made sure I attended. She actually came to some of them with me at the start because I was worried and anxious and I hadn’t told my family anything yet at that stage. They worried every day and night, wondering if I was going to commit suicide. Even though I really thought I didn’t have control at the time, I had to change because the guilt and shame were hurting too much.
What were you like before recovery?
I was secretive and withdrawn. I stopped going to family gatherings and I didn’t talk to my family about anything, even everyday things. I was severely underweight and I stopped being my normal, responsible self. I was in college but I didn’t go to a lot of classes because I was abusing laxatives. I needed to toilet a lot so it was hard to go anywhere.
How did you feel about getting to the point that you were ready to make a change?
I was scared to be honest. I was worried that, if I did get better, I might still not like myself and not be able to cope with life. What would I do then? I started to take my medication on a regular basis and things improved so I felt confident that things were going to be good. I was still quite anxious about the whole thing but I knew it was time for me to change my life.
What steps did you take to change?
I had to go through a lot of doctor appointments, which was quite frustrating at the time. But I just knew it had to be done. I was then connected with a psychiatrist and a team of therapists. My general practitioner also played an enormous role in my recovery. I was admitted to a hospital so I could be monitored while they got me stable on medication. I had to work very hard with the nursing staff and the team of doctors. As the medication began to take effect, I was released and then I had to look after myself and get used to taking my medication every day. I filled my days as much as I could to keep busy. I spoke to family and friends and helped them understand what I was going through so they could be more supportive.
What have you done to keep yourself from falling back into that life?
I have been referred to therapy programs and I always like to say positive and have positive affirmations close to me. I’ve gone back to work and I’m going back to college. I think keeping in touch with all the professionals and taking my medication as prescribed are also major factors that keep me from falling backwards.
What did you do to keep that positive change in yourself?
I cut ties with friend who were wrong for me and spent time with my best friend. I also made a folder that has positive quotes and affirmations. I updated my CV and handed them around trying to get a job. I wanted to get back to normal life after being in a hospital for so long. It was a big change.
What is life like now?
At the moment, I’m still looking for work but I have been to a few interviews. I didn’t get the jobs, but it has given me good experience. I’m happier now and much more reliable. I still have to check in with the doctors regularly, but life is so much easier. I can have friends call now. Before, I would make up some excuse so they couldn’t call. But now, I enjoy their company. I can walk through the town without having a panic attack or being extremely paranoid. I appreciate life now.
What is the single most important thing that helps keep you sober today?
The thing that helps me stay safe and well today is reminding myself how badly I was hurting friends and family. I also want to be able to settle down and have a family of my own. That would have been impossible in the past but now I can see hope for it.
What advice would you give to someone struggling with an addiction?
I have discovered that there is a lot of help out there for everyone. You just have to find the right people to help you. Don’t be discouraged if it takes time. It can be done. There are many different types of help, and they can all be very successful. Don’t be ashamed of your illness. That is one of the most important keys in recovery. While the struggle seems never ending, it is more than possible to recover.