- Alcohol
I was born March 25, 1969 in New Jersey. I have been arrested several times because of alcohol, including two times in two other countries: Australia and The Bahamas.
I got a few DUI’s and have been to three rehab centers. Both of my grandfathers, who I have never met, died of alcoholism. My first drink came when I was four years old, sitting on my dad’s lap and sipping a Schaeffer beer.
I was always being grounded by my parents as a youth and I also ran away a couple of times, ending up in Maryland on one cold, rainy night. Even though my parents raised me in a strict manner, I still got into some sort of mischief. Attention was something I always needed, especially with five siblings. My two older brothers and my one older sister always threw parties every time my parents went away for a day or more. So of course, I was always down in the basement stealing beer from the keg.
At the age of 14, I finally tried smoking pot and started drinking more with my friends. This was the age when I also started stealing liquor from my parents’ cabinet. I tried to fill the now-half-empty liquor bottles with water, which would only dilute it. I didn’t realize they would notice, but they did. They finally took me to my first group recovery meeting at the age of 14. It was scary seeing all of these much older people there.
I always loved sports, especially baseball, although I never had a chance to play. Both of my older brothers excelled in track and cross country and did extremely well, so all of the coaches expected me to follow their footsteps. To this day, I still have resentment about this. I eventually went to a county college and studied liberal arts. I practically took every course in the art field that was available. The only problem was that I started drinking almost every time I went to college class. What a horrible decision!
As years went by, I continued to drink and binge drink more and more. Most of my close childhood friends moved away, got married or just disappeared. Soon, I felt really alone. My brother talked me into going to a chiropractic college in Georgia to study chiropractic care. I did pretty well for a few semesters until I needed to work full-time.
That caused a lot of stress, and I started failing many class courses. So, what did I do? I drank to ease the pain. After doing this for some time, I could no longer do school due to my hardcore partying. So I quit school and moved back to NJ.
But before leaving, I decided to invite some friends over to my apartment to celebrate my birthday. Like an idiot, I happened to smoke cigarettes so I drove to a convenience store less than one mile away to buy some. Of course, there was a cop behind me, and I got another DUI. I had to stay a few more months in Georgia to go to court, be sentenced and finish my 50 hours of community service, which was raking leaves in a graveyard!
I went to Australia to go to another chiropractic school that was cheaper. Once I got off the plane, I was drunk and was immediately called into an interrogation office. They asked me for my school visa, but I only had a travel visa. This was the wrong visa because you must have a school visa to go to any school in Australia.
So, I was arrested and deported to Los Angeles the very next day. I was very disappointed but I decided to stay in LA for a week. I got drunk all day every day until I was again arrested for public intoxication. But these police officers let me sleep it off and released me.
Finally, took a plane back to NJ and decided to drive out to Colorado with a revoked license. This was a stupid idea, but I made it by driving very carefully and obeying every speed limit. I had family there, and they agreed to let me stay in their house for a few months until I got a job. But I kept drinking heavily and eventually my brother-in-law kicked me out of the house. So I had to find a new place to live and got lucky to find a roommate looking for someone.
One night, I was so drunk that I walked into a house that was for sale. All the lights were out so I assumed no one was there. I went to the refrigerator, ate food and left. When I was about 50 yards away, I noticed a light had turned on in that house. I ran so fast that I almost passed out but I did get away. I once passed out on a farm with cows everywhere. When I woke up in the morning, my head was one inch from a huge pile of cow manure.
After being in Colorado for a few years, my then-girlfriend and I agreed to move to Hawaii to start a new life. It was wonderful for the first few months. I was clean and sober for about five months. It felt like the longest span of my life! But of course, those evil demons and negative thoughts came back to me eventually, and I started drinking again. I was so drunk one night that I went to a convenience store and stole a bottle of booze, since I had no money. The owner saw it and tried to tackle me to the ground, but I managed to get up and run away.
My girlfriend couldn’t take any more of my drinking and wanted me gone. She helped me get into a rehab center in Florida where my job’s insurance took care of it. So I said goodbye to my girlfriend and went to FL. I stayed at the rehab for 65 days and thought my drinking days were finally over. But I was wrong.
The minute I was released from the facility, they put me into a halfway house where you have more freedom, as long as you follow their rules. So what did I do my first day? I told them I was going out to look for a job but went to a liquor store and got drunk. When I got back to the halfway house, they took notice and kicked me out instantly!
I was completely on my own. I remember sleeping my first few nights under a bridge with other homeless people. I could not believe that my life came to this! My parents took me in again in NJ, as long as I promised to follow their strict rules of going to group recovery meetings everyday and seeing a psychiatrist. I eventually hooked up with my friend’s landscaping business and was grateful to be able to live next door with his mother-in-law.
*** Fast forwarding to the future ***
I got really drunk one day, and my friend Janet told me to leave and never come back! She was extremely upset and so was my friend who hired me to landscape. So with whatever money I had left, I bought a big bottle of vodka and drank almost half of it. I got really drunk and slipped on the road, landing on my chin. I fractured my jaw, which hurt for months. It took me two weeks to be able to even open my mouth to eat bread.
Again, my folks told me that I could stay at their house, as long as I got into another rehab program. If I didn’t, they would take me to a homeless shelter. I eventually found a state-funded rehab center because I had no insurance. This was the Christmas season, and my entire family was going to be at the house soon. I was so humiliated, embarrassed and ashamed for everyone to see me and know my situation. It was the worst Christmas I had ever had.
Rehab time came, so I went and stayed there for 31 days. This time, I paid a little more attention to the speakers and all of the group meetings that I went to three times a day. After rehab was over, I applied to go to a recovery house. I had an interview, and they accepted me. I thank God for this because I really had nowhere else to go. I stayed in the house for one year, made some really good friends in recovery and still talk to some of them.
I am 43 years old now and I am NOT cured. There is NO CURE for this disease. There is only help and self-awareness. I control my own decisions, not the liquor store or drug dealer on the corner. I still have a lot of work to do. I still have a problem with alcohol and certain pain pills. I need to keep finding out what the demons are inside of me that make me want to drink. Hopefully, I will find that out soon. I’m working at this because I want to live, I do not want another pair of handcuffs on me, I don’t want to put my family in stress ever again and I want to continue exploring this wonderful earth as a sober and clean person.
Life is beautiful!
Sobriety is beautiful!
Recovery is amazing!
Thank you all for reading my life story.