- Drugs
Nicholas considered London to be his “old war zone.” But his travels and stays during sobriety have included the UK, Spain, the USA and Cyprus, where he has helped others in recovery and done God’s work.
Nicholas was using crack cocaine every single day in 1992, as he told me in an interview we had. He tried to stop using but he could not. He says that, at times, he was physically destroyed as well as spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. Nicholas did not want to go to any rehab but he knew that he had to do it. He reached out against his will at the time and went to treatment in 1997. He first went to a 12-step cocaine anonymous fellowship, which was very new to England in early 1993. He refused to go to treatment back then and did not even really want to go to the fellowship. He was an active member of the early cocaine anonymous fellowship of recovering cocaine addicts in the UK and made a few new friends. Although he did not stay clean, he would get clean for a while. This continued until he finally had to do what he did not really want to do, which was to go to treatment.
Treatment and going to cocaine anonymous gave him new hope, new friends and a new outlook on life. He finally got clean and sober in August of 1997 after going to treatment. He continued going to the fellowship after treatment where he started sponsoring other members and establishing new meetings and book studies wherever he went. The 12 steps, as outlined in the Big Book, are still his guidelines, and he continues to be in a constant process of applying them to his life.
Today he is glad that he did go and reach out for help, even though he didn’t want to do that. Crack cocaine had all power over him at that point. He was so desperate and knew that life couldn’t go on like that. He knew that something had to change. He couldn’t be living like that anymore.. He was begging God to change something. That feeling of hopelessness was so strong that he would have accepted death as that change, as long as something happened.
I asked Nicholas what gave him that positive change and he answered me, “My begging to God was answered. I am blessed that I was willing to go to any length to not use crack cocaine.” In August of 1997, he was willing to follow every suggestion. Even if anybody had told him to eat dirt from the floor or something bizarre like that in order not to use crack again, he would have done it. “I was ready in 1993 to stop using crack. However, I was not willing. I am so blessed that the willingness came to go to any lengths,” he added.
I asked him, “How is your life now?” He laughed and answered, “Life is exactly the same. Life did not change. I changed!” But he said, “My life is the best it has ever been. I have learnt how to live it, regardless of what is going on.”
Nicholas did not know at that time why he was using crack or why he wanted to escape from his problems. He mentioned that he simply did not know how to live in reality. It is only due to working the 12 steps that he found out what was wrong with him and, even more importantly, what to do about it. Through treatment and recovery, he found new friends. It also helped him build a career in this field, to live without fear, to take risks in life and to live in the here and now by being present. Today his primary purpose is to be of maximum service to God and help others in a positive way.
The most important truth that he learned through the process is how powerless he is to fight against where addiction wants to take him when he is not connected to his Higher Power. God is who keeps him sober today, and he says, “My primary purpose is to be of maximum service to God.” He is very proud today of the relationship he was able to reach with God through the process. Nicholas feels blessed to be helping addicts around the globe today as a sponsor and on a professional basis in a counseling and coaching capacity. His own sponsor since 2001 is an American in California, USA is where Nicholas has attended the international conventions of his 12-step fellowship since 1997,and others as cocaine anonymous has grown around the world. Nicholas feels blessed to have experience that growth by being instrumental in that growth. His sobriety has let him work as a volunteer in treatment centers in England since 1998. He has also worked with professionals for three years and in paid positions in different locations since 2001. At that time, he finished college and became a fully trained drug addiction counselor fully qualified and certified. He has gone on to create and deliver 12-step treatment programs in prison settings for the National Health Service in England for eight years, up until he left the UK in 2009.
His biggest struggle in ongoing recovery he says is his ego. (I do show up he say’s with a laugh)To somebody new, he would like to say, “It takes courage. Let us help you do it. Give yourself over to the journey of recovery, like you gave yourself to the drugs, and you will be amazed. If you want your misery back one day, it will be still there. You can go back at any time.” Nicholas has achieved much material gain although states its all gifts from god. God has the right to take it all away he says. Nicholas names his greatest asset in his life as is his relationship with God, which always comes first for him before anything else. “Without that,” he says, “None of the above would have happened in my blessed life.”
I am very happy that I met Nicholas during my journey through the world and hopefully I will meet him again in person soon during a trip to California or in Europe somewhere. As most of my regular readers know, I am German and I still have strong ties to my former home country, where addiction still has a bigger stigma than in the USA. I am happy that people like Nicholas are actively working with addicts and I’m very glad that Heroes in Recovery is getting so many international friends, as well as those in the U.S. Keep up the good work, Nicholas!