- Alcohol
Once I realized I could not drink like normal folk, my dream was to be a functional alcoholic. The problem was I was an alcoholic of the dysfunctional type. When I drank I blacked out, got in fights with men twice my size, ended up in different cities, woke up in hospitals, and my life would quickly spiral out of control and each time I would end up in treatment.
The problem was that I knew I was an alcoholic but I was not going to admit defeat and I was going to figure out the magic formula which could allow me to control my drinking. This went on for years and it lasted until alcohol no longer worked for me because my body was beginning to reject it and I hated myself. I finally admitted complete defeat. I surrendered and have not looked back since December 3, 2010.
Today I am a person that I never dreamed I could be. I have remained sober through extremely difficult gut wrenching ordeals and I have remained sober during extremely joyful and wonderful times– both of these feats are miracles. I love recovery and want to share my passion of recovery with others so that they know it is possible to enjoy recovery. Being a functional alcoholic would have killed me, I thank God that I was not able to control my drinking and that I was a low bottom drunk for I wouldn’t be able to feel life. Good, bad, happy, or sad– I am able to feel it all and not miss a moment. For that I am eternally grateful.