- Alcohol
Submitted by: Julie Rogers
It’s hard to pinpoint one event that changed my life. In truth, it was an accumulation of events that lead to my transformation.
I experienced many consequences of my addiction over the years. I had difficult relationships and I even lost a very significant relationship because of my behavior. I also had a driving-while-intoxicated (DWI) charge while living in Colorado.
I even saw the consequences that my loved ones faced when my dad passed away from cirrhosis of the liver. All of these things could have been a turning point for me, but they weren’t.
Things came to a head while I was working as a helping professional at a domestic violence shelter. I had moved up the ranks and was managing the emergency shelter. There I was, helping women step more fully into their personal power, all while I was giving mine away every day as soon as I came home and started drinking.
I didn’t feel like I was living my best life. I knew deep down inside that I could serve myself better and in turn serve those around me from a healthier state. It brought me great shame to know I wasn’t being my best self. I had been trying to serve others to fill a void inside myself. It was a hard realization to face. I couldn’t claim to be altruistic while my actions were really more co-dependent. I genuinely wanted to serve from my truth, not my desperation. I experienced emotional suffering from living out of alignment Soon, I experienced ongoing anxiety and depression.
I began waking up in a state of anxiety. The day felt like a perpetual cycle of going in and out of panic about who I needed to become, followed by longing for the day that I would live a truthful existence. I was an emotional wreck, crying and feeling tormented by my thoughts and feelings.
I would promise myself that I would not drink and would find myself later that day with drink in-hand yet again. I wanted to escape myself, but didn’t know how. The disharmony that I experienced on a constant basis lead to suicidal ideations.
My depression got so bad that I thought of how to make the pain go away once and for all. My own suicidal ideations scared me and led me to seek help. I told a friend about my thoughts, and he helped me schedule an appointment to see a psychotherapist. Going to see the doctor was one of the most challenging and yet pivotal moments of my life. I had been suffering in silence–sharing my experience with him lifted a weight off my shoulders. I can remember leaving that appointment thinking that things were going to change for me… and they did!
I spent another three months thinking that I could moderate my drinking and do it my way. I suffered a few more consequences like drinking and driving (again) and another random hook-up that left me feeling shameful and full of self-loathing. Once I recognized that I was abusing myself, I experienced a powerful paradigm shift. Did I really want to live life abusing my mind, body, and spirit? I had lived in victim consciousness for so long, surrounded by abuse, that I was surprised to find that I was also abusing myself. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I didn’t really know how to treat myself well, but I had to learn and find a way.
On April 13, 2006, I walked into my doctor’s office and told him I was ready to stop drinking and start taking my anti-depressant and anxiety medication again. That was the day my sobriety began and my transformation was underway.
Six months later, I found myself accepted to the University of Santa Monica’s Spiritual Psychology Master’s Degree program. The trajectory of my life would forever be changed as I finally learned self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and ultimately, self-love. I did a two-year deep dive into my past, making peace with myself and others while reconnecting to my purpose and truth.
I never attended meetings, never did the 12-steps and never went to a rehab facility. I learned the principles and practice of spiritual psychology and implemented and practiced them over and over again until my unresolved issues were complete. I focused on recovering my consciousness and remembering the truth of who I am– a spiritual being having a human experience.
Today, I teach other people how to use spiritual psychology in their recovery process. I work with men and women who are in recovery and want to use their recovery for greater purpose and prosperity in the world. I truly believe that everyone in recovery has something to share with the world. Each person can create a passion project or recovery-oriented business that can end the stigma and show people once for all that we do recover and we make a meaningful contribution for ourselves and others.
I also have my own coaching business where I help men and women use their recovery for greater service work and impact on this world. Every day, I wake up creating my own day full of things that I love and enjoy to do like my recovery practice, coaching others around stepping into leadership and purpose and spending time with my husband and three dogs.
I learned how to let go of victim consciousness and step into creator consciousness and I’m fully the creator of my every day. I’m free, I’m peaceful and I’m being creative in a way I never knew possible to me. I’m living proof that recovery doesn’t have to be a struggle if you work on changing your mindset, practice self-care, and use your recovery for purpose.
I would say that my mindset was the #1 area I had to focus on changing. I was super critical and negative, especially of myself. I knew that if my thinking didn’t change that my sobriety wouldn’t last. Therefore, learning how to work with my thoughts and feelings was an intricate part of my process. Tools like affirmations, ideal scenes, self-forgiveness, and truth statements.
I want you to know that the recovery process can be the best experience of your life. In fact, looking at it that way could have a profound impact on how you go through recovery. I’m clear that I was meant to go through recovery so that I could wake up to the truth inside of myself. I had to let go of substances so that I could manage my mental health and work through my trauma.
I know that getting to where you are now hasn’t been easy. However, I want you to imagine what’s on the other side of this for you. What might be possible for you if you resolved your pain and found a different way to be in the world? How would this different way of being positively impact you and those around you?
Recovery is an adventure. It’s a self-discovery where you will learn many wonderful things about yourself and finally give yourself an opportunity for peace of mind, inner freedom, and a sense of accomplishment. You can free yourself. You just need to learn new tools, practice them, and devote yourself to a new way of being!