Submitted by Sue Felices, Heroes in Recovery lead advocate
Renee and I have worked together for many years and shared the relationship many coworkers have. We knew about each others kids, vacations, aging parents and spouses, shared over lunch hours and office social events. Because we don’t work together on a day to day basis, there is always something to catch up on. I thank her for sharing her story and having her as a friend.
Six years ago Renee was supporting me and my family as we entered the world of addiction and recovery. Little did she know she would be starting that same journey just a few months later with her own son. She had been noticing behavioral changes that was disrupting their home life. Displays of anger, disrespect and finally a brush with the law at 15 for possession of marijuana, provided some insight. Renee has a huge heart, especially for her children, so an attorney was hired to take care of that initial charge. Similar things continued to happen, till it was apparent more help was needed. Renee and her husband knew they could not continue to love him to death , so offered him help in the form of a wilderness program a few months before his 18th birthday. Her heart was broken, but she was able to sleep.
While her son was away, Renee worked on helping herself and family by attending 12 step meetings and being around others going through the same thing. She was learning the value of setting boundaries and taking care of herself no matter what her son chose to do. Seeing that others were happy and lived lives with hope motivated her.
After years of egal issues, counselors, attempts at getting him to return to rehab, losing friends to overdoses and heroine addiction she feared for her son’s life. Fortunately, her son’s old using friends (that are now in recovery), a friend who lost his Dad to an overdose and a childhood friend who didn’t want to lose anyone else came to Renee and her husband with the truth and seriousness of her son’s situation . An intervention was planned and all the friends participated. She credits them with getting her son back into a program. As always she hopes for his recovery.
What keeps her inspired? She believes everything happens for a reason. Her hope is her son will have a great story to share and it will help others find their way. The message she wants to share along with her husband is to set your boundaries and do not bend. Even though it is hard to do, let the consequences happen. You are not doing your loved one a favor by intervening. Keep your perspective clear. Work at keeping your marital relationship separate from your relationship with your addict.
As time passes, life has changed. Renee has made many changes to strengthen her own recovery as a parent. When a crisis occurs she is not an emotional basket case, she handles it and is empowered. She does not base her day on how her addict is doing. She released him with love and lets him make his decisions about his life. Taking that step released her to enjoy her day, have fun and experience the happiness she is meant to have. She and her husband are on the same page, and their marriage has grown stronger. Has this been an easy journey for Renee? No, but she now has the hope and faith, everything will turn out the way it is supposed to and she will be able to live with it.
Her recovery is a work in progress, with a willingness to accept and deal with what comes her way. She is willing to listen to those needing an ear and give to others what she has received to live this journey.