- Alcohol
- Faith
I have been on my recovery journey since November 3, 2013.
Before, I was consumed by fear. Now I still have a healthy amount of fear of course, but it has been overshadowed by the power of hope and the knowledge that my life will turn out okay. I have now obtained a faith in something bigger than myself. I am no longer bound to alcohol, and this sets me free.
Before, I was so afraid of failure that I chose not to try. Now I feel like I can set my goals and reach them.
True misery led me to my recovery. I yearned to try something different or, better yet, be something different. I always opted to stay drunk because that is what I knew and who I knew myself to be. Before, I could not imagine a day without alcohol. The day I got sober, I could no longer fathom wasting the moments of my life with countless hours of drinking. The party was over, and somehow I was the last one to figure it out.
For me the turning point occurred while being sober in prison (another cause-and-effect moment courtesy of my alcoholism). While there I was sober for 15 months. During that time I realized I could actually be sober and that I am not a bad person. Even though I was locked up, it was the most free I have ever felt.
I worked with other alcoholics for the first time in my life, and I got a taste of the hope that is derived from living a sober life.
A month before I was released, I chose to stop working with other alcoholics. The first thing I did when I got out? I picked up a drink. I drank successfully for about a month and then did something crazy. I realized I had not changed one bit, and my alcoholism had more power over me than I originally thought. It was time for me to try something different. I had to try something different, or I would die.
A sober life is a better life for this alcoholic! I know there is something bigger than me out there, and it has a plan for me. Otherwise I would not be here today. Something bigger than me has helped me to stay sober. Before my sobriety all I ever wanted to do was get drunk, be drunk or stay drunk. I was a slave to alcohol and bound by its power.
I am proud of myself for having the willingness to try something different. I now believe in something other than myself. I am proud that I am finally on the way to being the person God wants me to be. Without that willingness none of this would be possible. I am proud I continue to have the willingness to strive for a better life. It grows stronger every day, and for that I am thankful. As time grows between the present and my last drink, I regret not getting into sobriety sooner. My life may not go as planned, but I have faith that it is going to be good. If the first six months are any indication for what is in store, then I know I’m on the better path.
I feel that my biggest struggle is humility. Sobriety has given me a life better than I have ever known, and I have to make a point to remind myself I am not cured, my life is just better without alcohol.
Currently I am enrolled in college, and I’m making straight As. I am not drinking, I am a good father now, my family no longer has to worry about me and I no longer have to worry about my behavior leading me to trouble and misery. For instance I can now take my son to the beach without the fear of fighting or getting arrested.
I’m learning to accept that things are the way they are supposed to be, and I don’t have to change everything. Today I know I can’t control other people, places and things, so I release the weight and the fear and accept these truths which in turn free me.
If I can do it, you can do it. How would you ever know if you never try in the first place? Give yourself a chance. You may surprise yourself! Dare to be willing for something different.