- Mental Health
My battle with mental illnesses began when I was a young child. I grew up going back and forth from my parent’s homes, one of which was extremely abusive. Children who grow up in unstable environments usually end up with some form of mental health concern, and I was no different. Each year of my life passed slowly and painfully, my surroundings and mental stability becoming more and more bleak. I began to self-harm, and that was the first time ropes were wrapped around me; I was my own prisoner.
I was taken to different therapists, and eventually was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and depressive psychosis. I was given medication, but my pain was rooted deeper than any medicine could heal. At that point in my life my emotions were balanced, but I could feel more and more ropes tangling me into a knotted up mess of a human being. They began to strangle the life from my body, and I did not know how to stop them.
A few friends began to notice my downward spiral. They asked if I was going to attempt to end my life, and I said yes, with the same nonchalant attitude as someone talking about the weather. Luckily a friend told our school counselor what I had said, and from that point I was surrounded by people who refused to let me go. I was taken to a mental hospital, and the journey of recovery began.
I walked into the hospital expecting to find someone who would unravel the ropes from my body. The most empowering thing I realized is that I am that person. I am strong, I am brave, I am capable of ripping the ropes that bound me to shreds! There is power in me, and there is power in you. Your illness will tell you to keep silent with your head down. I am telling you to lift your head UP to the clouds, raise your voice for the world to hear and scream! Fight! You have not made it this far to only come this far; there are greater days ahead if you choose to FIGHT.
Today, I refuse to lie and tell you that I do not struggle. I refuse to lie and say that I’ve never had suicidal thoughts again, or that I do not have days where it is a miracle for me to be able to function. I have learned that this life is a struggle. However, I am a firm believer that struggling is a blessing; it is a sign that we are still alive and fighting. I press on through the bad days and cherish the good. Not everybody gets a second chance, but somehow I did. I will never take that for granted.