- Drugs
- Friends & Family
How did you hear about the Heroes 6K? And tell me a little bit about your story.
I saw it on a friend’s Facebook page. I’m an athlete, but I’m not a runner. I saw the organization and it hit home with me. I was in a long-term relationship with a man who battled substance abuse. It was about a five-year relationship. We both had children from previous relationships, so there were children involved.
After going through all the ups and downs of multiple relapses and periods of recovery, I finally had to withdraw myself physically from the relationship to protect me and my son. In November 2014 my ex passed away. After that happened, one of the things I really wanted to do was get involved with this community. I started reaching out to local organizations with similar missions, then I came across the race.
Families of addicts and the people around them are heroes as well because you’ve lived through it. What truth have you learned from your experience?
There are certain things I’m very proud of handling the way I did, and I now try to live without any regrets. I’ve really heavily educated myself on the disease of addiction while I was in the relationship and since his passing. The entire dynamic and the effect it has on the family members because I’ve experienced so many highs and lows as a result of living with somebody who struggled with addiction.
The best thing I learned is that tough love means something different for everybody. In my heart, I don’t ever want to give up hope. I want to support someone the best I can without being right on top of each other; although I don’t believe in shutting someone out completely where that is what’s necessary. I believe in balance and that every person, addicted or not, deserves a chance and support.
How has it changed your life and the children’s and how has it impacted what your mission is?
I’ve started to speak and get my voice out there because anyone who’s in a relationship with an addict knows it’s sometimes a very lonely and isolating place. There’s not a ton of venues for family members that you can go to other than the well-known 12-step anonymous groups. Those are not always feasible for a single parent because the children aren’t involved and there often is no child care.
So what I’ve tried to do is to formulate a community that is pretty much peer-led for partners and children of addicts where there’s a network of people you can lean on whether you are the addict or not. It is for other likeminded people who have gone through the same thing. What I’ve found is that no two stories are exactly the same, even when there are certain undertones that are similar in each of them. Everyone’s got their story and everyone, in my opinion, is brave for speaking out and sharing their story, because there is still unfortunately a stigma attached to the entire epidemic. Until we continue to raise awareness and educate our youth and steer them toward something different from an earlier point, then this is just going to continue to spiral. At least that’s what I believe. I’m trying to help in any way, shape and form that I can.
What words of encouragement would you share with someone either in your same situation as far as being with an addict or even to an addict?
One of the lessons I have learned for myself is that if you get so enmeshed in the addict’s life, recovery, and addiction you do start to lose yourself. It becomes a very hard thing to create some type of support system while you are going through it as well and to not be afraid to speak up. Also, the other thing is that everyone has their own version of bottom. I hate to consider myself an enabler, but at the same time when a loved one is asking me for help, I feel like I do want to help them the best that I can. But like I said, there is a fine balance between helping and supporting somebody and enabling them.
The biggest thing I will stress is finding support and the best forum that works for you because not everything is cookie cutter in this disease and what works for one person may not work for another person. One person’s breaking point isn’t necessarily the same as someone else’s breaking point. Don’t judge, but share from experience and take care of yourself.