I took my first drink around age eight, smoked pot at 12, tried crack at 18 and ended up using heroin at 38. I grew up knowing sexual abuse from an early age, and pretty much used sex as a way to be liked. I was pregnant at 16. By the time I was 17, I was married and a battered spouse and alcoholic. I was a pill popping crack head by 18. Been there, done that. I spent 22 years of my life married to an alcoholic who loved hitting, choking, and abusing me in degrading ways. My two girls grew up with monsters instead of parents.
Once the heroin and cracked addiction turned me into a homeless prostitute, I pretty much gave up on life. Laying there in a bed just staring into this mirror, I would sometimes see the beautiful little girl I used to be looking back at me. One morning, I reached out to her and decided to save her.
Now, I am learning every day. I have learned to love myself. I do not need to rely on anyone but myself with help from my higher power. I have learned to let go of the hurt and pain and to forgive. I am learning to trust and have faith in people, especially those closest to me.
The advice I can give is: To thine own self be true. Trust the process. Believe. Have faith in something Greater than you. Most importantly talk about what is inside of you and ask for help.
I currently have 120 days clean out of 30-something years. I start working in the field in October. I am gaining my daughters back each new day and will be fighting for custody of my youngest. It is a battle that I am ready and willing to fight, for her.
I am happy for the first time in a long, long time. I am in love for the first time in a long, long time. I know that I deserve to be happy for the first time and I love the woman I have become.
I just want to tell the little girl in the mirror “Thank you and I love you.”