- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Friends & Family
- Mental Health
My husband, Matt, lost his father in June 2012. It was very sudden and completely unexpected. It was the most devastating loss ever imagined by him. I noticed changes in Matt almost immediately. Depressed, withdrawn, losing focus. You see at the time, we were raising our, then, 17 month old twins and we had just moved into a home that we built ourselves.
Our lives seemed perfect… depression was new to us and mental illness was something not mentioned. We definitely didn’t believe that addiction was at all possible.
Several months following Matt’s father’s death, Matt was becoming even more withdrawn. I suspected he was drinking too much. I was hopeful that I was wrong but my suspicions were proving true. He broke down one night confessing that he was struggling to be happy, was drinking to feel “normal” and wanted help. That evening we called an addiction counselor in our area and scheduled an emergency appointment. Little did I know that this was the beginning of a very confusing and frustrating process of helping someone you love who is also an addict.
The years continued on and the pain, hurt and addiction thrived. Matt was hit by a car in December of 2013 and suffered a traumatic brain injury. I was hopeful that his long recovery would also mean “recovery” in general. Matt was doing great. He learned to walk again, talk again and I was hopeful that the depression and the hurt would also be “wiped” away. Soon after he semi-recovered from his accident, so did the old behaviors. Now his depression was greater and so was the hurt/pain. He wasn’t the same person. He hated this new disabled person and he hated that this person found it too hard to be himself.
Matt struggled for years. The addiction grew….We did rehab, meetings and we tried to get him to the right doctors for help. The process was as frustrating for Matt as it was for the family. We would make good strides then we wouldn’t. Ultimately Matt decided that this wasn’t the life meant for him and took his life (by overdose) in August 2015. This isn’t the life that was meant for him. This isn’t the person that I fell in love with 20+ years ago and married. The person I loved was “my Matt” – ambitious, funny, loving, caring, gentle, strong. He was an amazing husband, loving daddy, perfect son and wonderful brother and friend to many. He would help anyone. He was meant for something greater. I refuse to allow any family to feel that they should hide this or should be ashamed if someone in their family is struggling with a mental illness or addiction. I know what it does to a family.