- Alcohol
- Friends & Family
submitted by: Susanne Johnson
I am a woman in long-term recovery and am truly grateful for all I have been given. Recovery is a long, hard road that many of us have experienced, but today I know I am truly blessed and have beaten some impossible-seeming odds. I celebrated 23 years of recovery in January and graduated with my master’s degree last year, and these accomplishments amaze me daily.
My sponsor and her sponsor strongly suggested long-term treatment, and I agreed. We found one of the only two centers in the country that took women and the children affected by their using. With my brave four-year-old little girl in tow, off we went. I weighed 92 pounds and had had a series of mini-strokes. I could not get through the intake, I couldn’t even recall my age. My left leg was in a cast, broken from another drunk fall weeks before. I sat in front of a wonderful, calm woman counselor; the student was ready, and the teacher appeared. She told me to be the mother that I always wanted.
Many of the “professionals” say one can’t get sober or stay sober without family support. This is not true, as I am one who did. However I was on the revolving door plan, as I went to numerous treatment centers, continued using and experienced pain. I give thanks often to “Buzz with Forty One Years,” a wise old timer and counselor with long-term sobriety. He set two empty folding chairs on either side of me during family day in treatment. He told me, “You are never going to get what you want from those people.” I stopped fighting.
I thought treatment was punishment at first, but after the year of commitment to change, acceptance and trust in something greater, I began to come alive. I began to connect with others like I never thought possible. I accompanied a woman to a hearing regarding her six children that were removed by the state. She came into our treatment center with her youngest, a new baby, and her oldest, a 14-year-old boy. She had been reunited with one child at a time as she progressed in recovery, but she had a relapse around the six-month mark. I stood with her, for her, as the judge brought the gavel down. She permanently lost custody of all six children. As long as I live, I will never forget the look on her face. This was the last stop for most of us. I was paralyzed by horror. I did not have a voice yet. All I could say was, “Wait…”
From that day forward, I have fought, been fired, and gotten in much trouble for voicing my passion and working to get rid of the stigma surrounding women and mothers who use. Consequences do not work. Women need treatment not incarceration. I have yet to meet a woman who has surrendered, who is happy, joyous and free, after the loss of her children. Many have said, “Use that voice for something great, Chris.” My passion is reignited daily.
I attended 365 meetings the first 3 years. I attend many still, sponsor women, work the steps, have a service position and have the best sponsors ever. I will have my say, and if one woman and her children are changed by my story, it is all worth it. My sweet daughter taught me to love, laugh, play and dream, and she said so beautifully in her five-year-old voice, “Mom, don’t you know I love you no matter what?”