- Alcohol
- Drugs
Alcoholism and addiction in my life probably looked a lot like it does in most addict’s lives. I felt like I was being led around by the craving for alcohol and drugs—not wanting to drink or use, but having ABSOLUTELY no choice. I watched as jobs went away… people went away… houses… cars… marriages… children… my dignity—whatever little I had left, anyway. I went to treatment seven times, was hospitalized four times, was taken by kind police to detox centers three times, went to countless 12-Step meetings and I heaped LOADS of shame and guilt on myself for my “failures.”
Almost two years ago now, I finally had enough pain and misery and decided to take responsibility for all of my past and really put my health first regardless of the circumstances of my life. I didn’t realize it, but I had tried to get sober for all the wrong reasons. I just thought if I could “look” good enough for long enough that my life would “automatically” straighten out. Many women in my 12-Step program picked me up, dusted me off, loved me when I didn’t love myself and set me on the right path. I believe the most important lesson I’ve learned that is the key to my recovery today is that I AM OK, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW—no matter what. The present moment is always perfect, and if I can learn to accept that—stop trying to rearrange life just “so”—I will have peace of mind and will not need to or want to use a chemical to change my state of mind. I really appreciate what Heroes in Recovery is doing to help change the perception that people have of addiction. I know that when I accepted that I had a disease—no better or no worse than any other disease—I was able to let go of the shame and the guilt of the things I did as a powerless, sick person. I’m positive that people with cancer or diabetes don’t beat themselves up the way we addicts do over a relapse. I would tell someone new in recovery to keep trying, keep LETTING GO of old beliefs, listen to someone who is successful in recovery and life, and let your EGO and PRIDE go! It really is as easy as we will allow it to be!
Peace!
Anne S.